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Cautionary tale, Humor, satire, writing

What the Hell is Wrong with Our Laws Today? More Email from the Tea Party

I am a one hunnerd and ten percent of flag wavin red blooded American male, a G-d fearin’

Dr. Jerry Falwell (en, d. 2007), the founder o...

Dr. Jerry Falwell (en, d. 2007), the founder of Liberty University (en),  a Christian pastor and televangelist. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Christain an a proud member of the South Carolina Tea Party. I heard with my own two ears on the Fox news today that they was jes givin’ out measly $50 tickets for people who was prancin around in G-d knows what these people wear, because n I seed a few of these shows on the television, and these people let everything hang out all over the place everywhere. Between you me and the swamp, I had to keep my wife Irma Rae from hearin’ some of that there stuff on Fox one night by puttin’ the crab boil pot over her head. These people should be throwed into some jail with some big-ass plantation nigra ‘stead of just hittin’ ‘em for fifty bucks. These people throw fifty dollar bills around to buy lattays, an maskara, an for to go to the opery, or the ballay, or whatever it is these weirdos do. I know they cain’t go fishin’ in them outfits, less‘n they be fishin’ for you know whut.

 

Ifn theres gonna be all this gaywalkin acrost our city streets I am a thinking these here gaywalkers ought be hit with more n jes a $50 fine, an a gaywalkin ticket. Gaywalkin is a serius offence and a crime agenst nature with all there mule fuckin and like such as that. All these gays walkin all over our fair city in there tiny shorts is gonna set a bad example for our young Christain boys and girls who will be men and also wimmen. So we all has got to take a stand here and now agenst gaywalkers and also we has got to vote agenst this uppity boy in the White House which should be as its name says it should be white. And a house.

 

All us people who know which end is up us good holy G-d fearin people who live by the Holy word of The Bible must vote Republican because that is the true way and the light and the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever Amen.

 

Which is why we all must vote.

 

 

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

18 thoughts on “What the Hell is Wrong with Our Laws Today? More Email from the Tea Party

  1. Has you spent sum time in da Ca’olinas, boy? You got that di’lec down might right.
    Recto-cranial inversion, to re-state the very first comment in a different way.

    Posted by Jennifer Ellen Lucas | September 12, 2013, 8:56 am
  2. I certainly don’t know which end is up, because this sounds like a butt speaking, not a head. Great post, as usual.

    Posted by girl in the hat | May 9, 2012, 1:32 am
  3. The part about the White House being white reminded me: Last summer I saw a gigantic RV on the Interstate with a big bumper sticker saying “Don’t Renig”. I thought I had seen it all, but putting it on the bumper of your RV–amazing.

    Posted by trailertrashdeluxe | May 8, 2012, 11:16 pm
  4. “Gaywalkin”…. LOVE IT!!!! Another excellent post. Thanks, Tony! Are you done with the project yet?

    Posted by Michelle at Motley News | May 8, 2012, 6:13 am
    • Michelle, still dotting i’s, but will take short break to catch up on you -and everyone – as much as i can. thanks for asking. after some feedback will prolly have a little more to do, and then it’s gotta be re-typed (groan) into Final Draft. which i don’t have as yet. anyway, i miss all you guys and will check in for the next few days at least. hope you are well. continue…

      Posted by barkinginthedark | May 8, 2012, 7:09 am
      • Doing well and glad you are too. Sounds like the light at the end of the tunnel is beginning to show.

        What is this that you are writing????

        Posted by Michelle at Motley News | May 8, 2012, 8:34 am
      • glad you’re feeling well. re the writing; i can’t really talk about it…it is about music tho’. thanks for asking sweetheart…and I’m still dotting and crossing. continue…

        Posted by barkinginthedark | May 9, 2012, 1:53 am
  5. Ah Tony, I am crying those dang Faux newsers with their crab boil pots it is no wonder they have trouble with gaywalkers, I mean really with their back up being bucked into and all. Which is really why we need to vote! G_d knows I am tired of ugly bumping Faux newsers on the streets of my fair city.

    Val

    Posted by Valentine Logar | May 8, 2012, 2:30 am
  6. Reblogged this on Drayton's Gazette.

    Posted by V. Lyn | May 7, 2012, 9:32 pm
  7. Well, as long as he’s doing it in the name of god…
    Jackass.
    Another fine email, Tony, and I feel your pain at having this in your head!

    Posted by El Guapo | May 7, 2012, 6:10 pm
  8. HA! “which is why we all must vote”

    Tony, PLEASE tell me you’re not serious that people are fined for what they’re wearing? They’re strict on ear rings & hair tied back & boys’ hair cuts in fancy schools, but when you get out to the adult world SURELY you are allowed to express yourself as you wish to by presentation of yourself.

    Me, I do not like jeans half down the arse (which I can guess would be the objection) but let them do it. It’s a fashion, it’s the fashion THEY like & so be it. I’ve heard of people not let on planes for this stuff (in America). Because you are so tongue in cheek I just HAVE to know, are people really being fined for style unpreferred by the leaders? If so, if that aint gaywalkin’ itself by the pollies, I don’t know what is.

    I bet EVERY fined person is male (are there statistics? and NEVER a female with a skirt so high it could be mistaken for a boob tube. Absolutely betya.

    As a visitor to America, could they fine me too? I know you’re supposed to respect the dress code of the land you visit, but what if I didn’t know showing my tattoo at the top left cheek over my pants was unChristian? I wonder…

    Posted by WordsFallFromMyEyes | May 7, 2012, 2:02 pm
    • ummm…well…no, it’s not that Noeleen, it’s that this right-wing dummy got all upset ’cause he heard “gaywalking” when the radio voice said “jaywal— never mind. ya hadda be there. :-) thanks for the lovely comment. continue…

      Posted by barkinginthedark | May 8, 2012, 7:16 am
  9. Me english poor Sir but i undersood and overstood you and i must say enlish rocks…and gays no good…here rapist rock they abuses wimmen who go out of their houses to work also wimmen inside and go to jail and win election and rulez( cos they doing Gods work)..gay men not jail cos they are already gay..men syas what there no point….
    Sir i salutes great enlish white peoples…
    and you must vote i true
    here someone else vote instead of me and tell me not to go out to vote..
    many many thanks

    Posted by Soma Mukherjee | May 7, 2012, 11:39 am

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