Image by Nika via Flickr
Dateline: New Blemish, Alabama
From the New Blemish Daily Morning Movement,
Mr. Wilfred T. Flense, a prominent member of the New Blemish branch of The Tea Party, told this reporter yesterday that the baby Jesus had appeared to him in his Swiss melt, “I was havin’ my lunch over at Phil and Darla’s Hits ‘n Runs Diner, and that cute little Laura Sue brought me my sandwich – I like it that they do it real well done there – So anyway, I picked it up to take a bite an’ there He was…the baby Jesus.
I swear on all that’s sacred He was snuggled in there between the two slices of toasted bread looking at me all sweet and everything”, an’ He asked me to come closer, so I leaned in real close like…and, in this real, real soft voice, the baby Jesus told me to tell everyone that they should get out and vote for either Rick Perry, or Michele Bachmann. He said that they alone knew how to wipe away all our sins – of course I believe that anyway. It was a real genuine miracle, only thing is, I had to wait until He had toddled off before I was able to eat any of my sandwich – which I was craving.” Mr. Flense, 63, who his close friends call WTF, is married to the very lovely Edna Flense of Flense’s Exciting Doilies.
Previously, some 3 months after President Obama was sworn in, Mrs. Flense had reported to this paper that a vision of Dick Cheney had come to her while she was under the hair dryer at Mlle. Sharlene’s Chalet de Beaut. Mr. Cheney, she said, had whispered to her that he had “very little respect for any of these elitist East Coast tree hugging Liberals who have ruined our country, fouled our environment, and caused all this economic trouble we are now in.” She said he told her, also in a “real, real soft voice,” that “if it wasn’t for these Progressives we’d never have invaded Iraq…but it was all their noisy unpatriotic protesting that made it necessary.”
Phil and Darla’s Hits ‘n Runs Diner have since added Velveeta to the Swiss, and are now calling the sandwich, which has become their most popular menu item, Sweet Cheeses.
© tony powers and barking in the dark, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and barking in the dark, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Barking In The Dark 
Are you sure that wasn’t Jeff Sessions? Sounds like him. lol
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Posted by GEORGETIREBITER | June 14, 2017, 2:29 pmshore duz don’ it. yuk yuk. thanx man. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | June 14, 2017, 3:35 pmWTF?
haha…
lol
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Posted by random8042 | March 13, 2012, 1:44 pmthanks Sophie, i just subbed to your blog…somehow i didn’t think you had one. very interesting stuff. since i now know you’re a physics-head i sent you -in a comment – a couple of my others you may enjoy. anyway, thanks for reading, and for the giggle. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 13, 2012, 6:49 pmthanks Sophie, i just subbed to your blog…somehow i didn’t think you had one. very interesting stuff. since i now know you’re a physics-head i sent you -in a comment – a couple of my others you may enjoy. anyway, thanks for reading, and for the giggle. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 13, 2012, 6:50 pmThe older posts are corny but that has been the process i needed to go through. Vulnerability can be a strength. ThanksCur for trying to read “some” of them. An acquired taste like stinky cheese. i don’t think you could stand most of it but I’m pleased that you detect some poetry there. My favourite old posts are Higher Education, Cousin Jean and Where There Is Smoke and Soft Touch. Spare yourself the others. Culture shock I’m sure.
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Posted by An Embarrassment of Freedom | September 16, 2011, 8:15 amu should hear some of my early songs! process is all. will check those out asap. thanx miss z.
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Posted by barkinginthedark | September 16, 2011, 8:36 pmLooking for those songs and have found scads of info on your career,,,very interesting to say the least…….(WOW)…
Liz
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Posted by An Embarrassment of Freedom | September 17, 2011, 12:46 amthanx Liz,…it has been interesting.
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Posted by barkinginthedark | September 17, 2011, 1:40 amIs there anymore? You should have your own program like Stewart or Colbert. Canadian politics pales (thank goodness) in comparison. Something weird though, since being somewhat influenced by your gutsy swagger my reader stats have significantly improved. I think my new writing style might be becoming something along the line of Anne of Green Gables meets Jersy Shore.
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Posted by An Embarrassment of Freedom | September 16, 2011, 6:03 amspelling error on Jersey….forget about it….!
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Posted by An Embarrassment of Freedom | September 16, 2011, 6:05 amspelling shmelling…thought before technique…prolly one too many Molson’s. Love the new style…your writing is keen – keep digging. just checked out some of your older posts…you have the soul of a poet, keep digging- there’s gold in them thar hills. And thanks for the kind comparisons to some pretty snarky satirists…i will continue to be abrasive. continue…
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Posted by the Incurable Curmudgeon | September 16, 2011, 7:04 amDear Tony,
You never cease to amaze me. Your humor and lazar beam intellect dazzle me with every new piece. I do
believe that you are a national treasure and a voice for all who feel as you do ,but do not have the rare gift of being
able to express themselves. May your brilliant light continue to shine .
I’m off to find Phil & Daria’s ” Hits ‘n Runs” Diner. Sweet Cheeses, here I come !
Most Sincerely, Joanne Beretta……like the gun.
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Posted by Joanne Beretta | September 16, 2011, 3:06 amYES! It worked! You are indeed a pistol to be reckoned with lady. Joanne, thank you so much for the more than kind comments (between u and me, i agree with you – is that a bad thing?) THIS COMMENT MADE ME LAUGH! XO t.
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Posted by the Incurable Curmudgeon | September 16, 2011, 5:03 am“…Phil and Darla’s Hits ‘n Runs Diner have since added Velveeta to the Swiss, and are now calling the sandwich, which has become their most popular menu item, Sweet Cheeses…”
This, dear sir, is why I follow your blog. Thank you. (Fortunately, I did not snort anything out of my nose today while reading your post, sparing you that visual). Carry on.
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Posted by k8edid | September 16, 2011, 12:52 ami rather like the snorting visual. i shall endeavor to induce more of same. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | September 17, 2011, 5:48 amLike the way your sarcasm / parody leave the reader completely unsure as to your true leanings.
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Posted by brainrants | September 16, 2011, 12:14 amHAHAHAHAHA…VERY funny. VERY Droll…u have a wicked sense of humor Matt. This comment made me laugh out loud. Thank you for putting up with my rabid leftiness. continue…
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Posted by the Incurable Curmudgeon | September 16, 2011, 12:55 amp.s. will check out your latest asap.
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Posted by the Incurable Curmudgeon | September 16, 2011, 12:59 am