Congressional Republicans expressed outrage today at the mere whiff of the notion that President Obama will put forth a proposal to tax millionaires at the same rate as middle-class taxpayers. Said one, under the condition of anonymity, “what right has this darkie got to tell my friends that they should pay as much a percentage in taxes as all these nobodies pay.” Another, a billionaire, also asking to remain anonymous, added; “This coon is really becoming a nuisance…I inherited my money the old fashioned way – from my father, who inherited it from his father – who was a hard working well-respected arms dealer – and his father before him, who ran rum, and who was, at the turn of the century, the undisputed biggest slumlord on the lower east side of New York City. I need my four homes, two yachts, and my manservant, among other necessities. But I wouldn’t expect a common working person to understand this. This kind of class envy thing just reinforces my belief that abolishing slavery was a huge mistake.”
The anger rippling through the House of Representatives was palpable. Said one Representative practically foaming at the mouth; “Why we ever gave these damn women the damn vote is beyond me. They should’ve been kept pregnant and in the damn kitchen where they belong – with their damn mouths shut!” Speaker of the House John Boehner said last week that tax increases were “not a viable option,” and he further added, “It’s a very simple equation. Tax increases destroy jobs.” Another Republican Representative standing nearby, who also asked to remain anonymous, added “So true. I heartily concur with the Speaker on this. My dear friend Carter Bilge III added two chauffeurs to his payroll last year. I daresay he couldn’t have added those jobs were he shouldering even a slightly higher tax burden. This is a completely unfair proposal put forth by – let’s face it – a second-class citizen, and smacks of a Commie Socialist agenda.”
He then went back to pulling the wings off of a butterfly.
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