I-BLOW, or Iowans Behind Laws Outlawing Whatever, numbering some 1,000 evangelical voters strong, will be “flocking” to Des Moines Iowa Saturday for a forum to discuss what are – no doubt – the two issues uppermost in all American voters minds, namely, a woman’s right to choose, and the gay “problem.”
All the Republican candidates will attend. The day’s events will begin with a prayer to God to kill all gays, followed by a morning circle jerk. The evening forum’s host, Ralph Reed, chairman of The Faith and Freedom Coalition said, while fondling his genitals from inside his pants pocket, *“A lot of behind the scenes wooing and romancing is going on.”
An additional 2,500 I-BLOW members will attend a pre-Thanksgiving round-table in Des Moines held by the Family Leader, an umbrella group of socially conservative organizations that have banded together for the 2012 campaign. Besides the pumpkin fucking they will be giving thanks that half their members have not as yet been caught in some bathroom with someone’s dick in their mouth. With an eye to the conservatives profound attraction to bathrooms, Steve Deace, a conservative radio host said, *“When that group coalesces around somebody, take all the [other] endorsements and fundraising advantage and flush them down the toilet.”
One of the highlights of Saturday’s forum will be the “Queen of the Forum Pageant.” Entries have been flooding in, and last year’s winner, Jim Bob Simmons, of Focus on the Family predicts that it’ll be tough to beat Rick Santorum, “I’ve seen him in his gown – and he is stunning”, Mr. Simmons said.
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