(Photo credit: The Toad)
Screaming “Get me a Jew doctor” Ted Nugent was rushed into the emergency room of Central Hospital at 4 am this morning after his penile implant exploded in the Hot Buns movie theater.
Nugent was brought to the emergency room by a young Latino who told reporters “we were jackin’ each other off when this guy’s dick exploded in my hand – and not in a good way ese. Up to then everything was simpatico,” he continued; “He was jackin’ my junk an’ like moanin’ whack my Glock you spic, an’ I wanna see that big spic cannon go off… an’ chupame la pinga…you know? Shit like that, fue genial hombre. An’ he had a gun an’ he was suckin’ on it like it was a pinga too. This is one sick little maricon ese.” The young Latino, who looked to be about 14, wouldn’t give his name. He was staying around because as he put it “this sorry-ass maricon owes me money.”
Reporters, who had rushed to the emergency room, asked Nugent if he was a homosexual, Nugent screamed “Homo? You callin’ me a fuckin’ faggot? I’ll fuckin’ fuck you up you fuckin’ motherfucker. I’ll tie your hands and feet, stick a ball gag in your mouth, bend you over, and fuck you up the ass with my Glock while I squeeze your big juicy hairy balls motherfucker! Where the fuck do you get the dumb idea that I am in any way gay you fucking asshole? I’m a real man, an’ a patriot.”
When another reporter mentioned to Nugent, since he brought up the idea that he’s a “patriot,” that it’s common knowledge that he had shit in his pants to avoid going to Viet Nam, citing Nugent’s claim that 30 days before his Draft Board Physical, he stopped all forms of personal hygiene. The last 10 days he ate nothing but junk food and Pepsi, and a week before his physical, he stopped using the bathroom altogether, virtually living inside his pants caked with excrement and urine, which spectacle won Nugent a deferment. Nugent screamed: “if I would have gone over there, I’d have been killed, or I’d have killed, or I’d kill all the hippies in the foxholes … I would have killed everybody. That’s the kind of man I am.”
Nugent, a dangerous man – to music – was then asked “If you’re not gay, then what were you doing in a 24 hour gay theater at 4 in the morning with a young Latino mutually masturbating each other?” Nugent replied; “Alls I know is if we don’t elect Ted Cruz or Donald Trump and this Hillary bitch gets elected there goes our guns – an’ all our good, manly, God fearing Christian American family values, will go down the crapper.”
© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Barking In The Dark 
Reblogged this on baying at the moon.
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Posted by barkinginthedark | December 2, 2015, 1:16 amSorry for the late read, but he is one sick prick. Need I say more? go on…
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Posted by Don in Massachusetts | April 27, 2012, 7:31 pmnope. thanks Don. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 29, 2012, 7:24 am“………up to then everything was simpatico………” One of my favourite words – great satire !
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Posted by Single Malt Monkey | April 23, 2012, 12:15 pmthanks Al, yeah – up to then… 🙂 i appreciate the props. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 24, 2012, 3:51 am–Ted Nugent SUCKssssss Rotten Eggs, man.
What a racist ASSHole.
Oh, Tony, you do have a unique way with words, dear! ❤
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Posted by My Inner Chick | April 21, 2012, 4:55 pmthanks Chick, i appreciate the sentiment, and the comment. thanks, and thanks for the ❤ continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 21, 2012, 9:09 pmYou’re hilarious, Tony. I loved the way you spoke the dialogue – v funny 🙂
I had no idea of any of this. You totally keep me in the news, Tony!
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Posted by WordsFallFromMyEyes | April 21, 2012, 5:17 amthanks Noeleen, i always like to make a lady laugh. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 21, 2012, 5:24 amI have seen your comments around on some of my favorite people’s blogs, but never stopped by till now. I had the idea that you were a therapist who wrote self-help books, for some reason. This is hilarious–esp. “a dangerous man–to music”. And, I’ve wanted to say this for quite some time, and I mean it with all due respect: Continue…..
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Posted by trailertrashdeluxe | April 21, 2012, 12:35 amtrailertrash, i guess that would be tony robbins…i wish i had his money. i really appreciate this kind comment and i shall check you out asap. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 21, 2012, 5:26 amHe is begging to shot with a crossbow..down like a dead boar….
I take it he’s not a pal?…sorry, couldn’t resist
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Posted by free penny press | April 20, 2012, 10:31 pmLynne, i think you mean like a “bore.” thanks. and if it were him doing the shooting it would be an already “dead boar” wouldn’t it? thanks for the comment. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 10:56 pmHe nauseates me to no end..bet he won’t read your words on the air to the NRA!
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Posted by free penny press | April 20, 2012, 11:00 pmi seriously doubt it. 🙂 continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 11:32 pmOh my…that’s some good shit, there!!! Hahahahaa!
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Posted by cheatingwhore | April 20, 2012, 7:00 pmthanks cheatingwhore…i appreciate the kind words. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:44 pmI will never, ever get tired of this role-playing thing, this dress-up-as-a-crazy-person-and-rant-like-a-freak thing you do. You pick the most colorful characters. What do you do for Halloween, I wonder?
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Posted by girl in the hat | April 20, 2012, 6:43 pma very good question Anna…and one which deserves a straight-up answer. the thing is, when donning a costume one should be completely hidden in it – and no talking “cause your friends know your voice – the feeling of interacting with people who are your closest friends, and who haven’t a clue as to who’s under there, is incomparable…it’s like being the invisible man. and yes, one year i went as the invisible man, face and neck completely wrapped in gauze, sun glasses to cover eyes, turtle neck shirt, hat on head, jacket , gloves on hands – totes over shoes, etc. had mime conversations with my closest friends who could not figure out who this person was who they were sitting with. another year i was the hunchback of notre dame, a full length moroccan djelaba with hood, quasimodo mask, gloves, and of course the signature hump. again, noby the way, thanks for the kind props in your comment. i really appreciate it. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:34 pmPerfect! I knew you were that masked man. (Only thing is I’d want to hear you talk– perhaps a voice-modifying device for this year, so you can go off on one of your riffs?) (Oh, to be a fly on the wall at your Halloween party!)
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Posted by girl in the hat | April 20, 2012, 11:23 pmthey are fun. a voice modifier…cool idea. thanks. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 11:25 pmWell, at least Ted did something to help the income inequality problem. That kid is gonna make a mint form going on all the talk shows. Well, not the Fox talk shows, but all the rest…
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Posted by El Guapo | April 20, 2012, 5:25 pmEG, love how you see the upside here. very droll. thanks man. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:37 pmHah! Good one. :-0!
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Posted by SusanWritesPrecise | April 20, 2012, 3:37 pmthanks Susan, i appreciate it. and i love the emoticon. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:45 pmI thought this was supposed to be funny. Yawn.
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Posted by CB | April 20, 2012, 1:14 pminteresting that your CB can’t be clicked on, and your gravatar leads nowhere. i guess you’re just another chickenshit coward eh? awwww…did i hurt yaw feewings? is Teddy boy one of yaw hewoes? awwww…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:48 pmOuch! I’m really sick of this moronic jerk. He so deserves this skewering.
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Posted by Sparks In Shadow | April 20, 2012, 8:41 amand it is my pleasure Re, thanks. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:46 amI’m wondering if my follow-up comment landed in your spam folder because there was a link in it, or if I inadvertently hit something other than ‘post comment’. In the great scheme of things, I know it doesn’t matter. I was just wondering. Carry on, dear Tony, carry on… 🙂
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Posted by Sparks In Shadow | April 21, 2012, 9:51 pmhmmm…don’t think i got the follow-up Re, what was it? continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 22, 2012, 12:59 amI’ll come back for a better comment when i can stop laughing
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Posted by Jo Bryant | April 20, 2012, 6:09 ami’ll wait. thanks. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:05 amEwwwwwwwww!!! Did I put enough W’s in there?
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Posted by Frugalistablog | April 20, 2012, 4:02 ammaybe just onnnnnnnee more. thanks F., continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:49 amOMG! This is GREAT!!!!!! I think I just crapped my pants, too!
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Posted by Michelle at Motley News | April 20, 2012, 1:59 amthanks sweetheart…and so ladylike too 🙂 i’m glad you enjoyed this one. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 6:05 amLady? Who, me????
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Posted by Michelle at Motley News | April 20, 2012, 6:16 am😉 continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:04 amI think we might share a view or two.
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Posted by chancedagger | April 20, 2012, 1:43 ami think so – i’ll take a look. thanks. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:06 amI liked that guy’s music… in the 70s… but what a dick.
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Posted by pouringmyartout | April 20, 2012, 1:39 amamen. thanks for the comment pouring. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:07 amReblogged this on I Want Ice Water and commented:
Oh dear, I think I just shit my own pants – from laughing! 😯
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Posted by IzaakMak | April 20, 2012, 12:56 amthanks Izaakmak for re-blogging this onyour site. i really appreciate it…and the comment too. will check you out. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 5:55 amOh dear, I think I just shit my own pants – from laughing!
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Posted by IzaakMak | April 20, 2012, 12:55 amLllllllllllooooooollllllll
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Posted by sweetmother | April 20, 2012, 12:54 amhmmmmmm… i’m sure “Lllllllllllooooooollllllll” is a good thing…but i can’t figger it out. thanks tho’. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | April 20, 2012, 8:09 am