Republicans announced today that the new Speaker of the House would be one Richie Grundesmann of New Old West Eastville, Indiana.
Mr. Grundesmann volunteered to take this position of leadership, which no one else seemed to want, and was swiftly approved by the Republican house members in an overwhelming voice vote. Although Mr. Grundemann is not a member of the House, and is only fourteen years of age, Republicans everywhere breathed a sigh of relief that this important position was now filled.
When asked by reporters what his qualifications for this important position were Mr. Grundesmann replied; “well…I mean I think first and foremost I am an outsider and as such I am someone for sure far outside the Beltway. I mean I also believe I know as much about what’s going on here as any House member does because I watch Fox TV News with my father and I am therefore for sure way aware of the current problems facing this country and such so I believe I’ll be a swell House leader.”
When asked what he thought of the previous Speaker of the House he replied:”I mean I’m not exactly sure who that was for sure so I can’t really comment except he might have been that guy who looked like a creamsicle.“ Republicans everywhere lauded him for his keen observational skills and his desire to only look ahead.
In the coming days Mr. Grundesmann will be faced with a myriad of pressing issues including; gun control, “ I mean I dunno…we’ll see…”, immigration reform; “I mean I dunno…we’ll see…”, jobs; “I mean I dunno…we’ll see…” and a number of other important issues facing the country to which his definitive answer for all of them was; “I mean I dunno…we’ll see…”
Republicans everywhere were effusive in their praise for Mr. Grundesmann’s honest and forthright stances on all these issues. Said Congressional Rep. Horace Johnny Joe Merton, Republican of Smyrna, Georgia; “these positions taken bah the new speaker show a forthrahtness and a honesty we so badly need in these arduous tahmes.”
When reporters asked the Congressman if he wasn’t a bit concerned that Mr. Grundesmann was only fourteen years of age and has had no political experience of any sort the Congressman replied; “Mr. Grundesmann has been a newspaper delivery boy and as such has had more than a passing acquaintance with the news and current affairs. He will be a outstandin’ Speaker of The House and Ah will be proud to follow his lead.”
When Mr. Grundesmann was asked to comment on Cong. Merton’s statement he said; “I mean I dunno…we’ll see…”
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