“VIRTUALLY” VIRTUAL

At present, the word “virtually” is, to me, “virtually” the single most disturbing word in the English language – and also, for that matter, in any other language. Check that – actually, it is not “virtually” the single most disturbing word in the English language at present, it “really” is.

This is the word plucked from the “new” cyberlingo by some shrewd advertising people that allows all manner of drug companies, insurance companies, con men, politicians – and anybody else who wants to sell us something – to lie and be legally unaccountable for their lie. It is the word that allows them to make outlandish untrue statements as to the bone fides of whatever it is they are claiming. It is the word currently most prized by lying scumbags everywhere in the world. The newest go-to word for charlatans the world over seeking to make misleading claims about whatever it is they are flogging to the general public.

It is my considered opinion that anyone who believes anything that contains the word “virtually” – or its sibling “virtual”- deserves to be either conned, disappointed, or just plain royally ripped off.

When I was a kid there was no “virtually.” A thing either was or it wasn’t – “virtually” never entered into the discussion.  Imagine; “hey man…you’re virtually an asshole!  Or: Ahh…you know what – you’re a virtual schmuck!”

Go ahead – buy a car that gets “virtually” thirty miles to the gallon – but don’t complain when it gets twenty five to a gallon. Hey – twenty-five is “virtually” thirty – ain’t it?

The usage of this word and its sibling is further proof that we, as a citizenry, have become so dumbed down that we cannot even recognize when we are being lied to. I would go out of my way to steer clear of anything containing this word in its claim. The usage of this word “virtually” is, to me, such an insult, such an affront, such a complete dismissal of my ability to discern bullshit when it is being thrown at me that hearing it actually engenders in me a great anger.

Do not tell me anything is “virtually” whatever the hell you say it is. You are a fucking snake-oil salesman whoever the fuck you are. Whatever the hell you’re selling, if you tell me it’s “virtually” whatever, you are a bald-faced liar – pure and simple – and, worse – you think that I am a fool. And this is what makes me so very angry when I hear this word. The idea that you actually think I am so stupid as to believe your claim that this thing you are selling is “virtually” whatever the fuck you say it is.

“Virtually,” to anyone with a brain, means “almost” but “really” not quite what you say it is. It is, in all actuality, “virtually” meaningless – save for meaning that it isn’t quite what you say it is.

Which brings us now to that most idiotic of oxymorons, accent on morons – “virtual reality.” Take a moment and think about this term – I’ll wait.

Okay?

Have you given this term some thought?

I have, and my thought is this; “virtual reality.” is “virtually” the world’s most misleading two bullshit words – far more misleading than something like, say – the harmless “jumbo shrimp,” because, unlike “virtual reality,” “jumbo shrimp” will not rot your brain as you stare into the seductive abyss of what is really total “unreality.”

And, too often, it involves some mind-numbing “game”  of killing and destruction guaranteeing the further erosion of already less-than-bright adolescent brains.

Using the word “virtually” is a flashing red signal to me that the thing in question is not “virtually” full of shit – but that it is pure unadulterated and completely one hundred per cent “really” full of shit.

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content