Breaking News # 2. Darth Vader Saddened by Comparisons to Dick Cheney

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A spokesperson for Darth Vader said today, “Mr. Vader is deeply saddened by any, and all, comparisons between him and Dick Cheney.” She went on to say, “Mr. Vader killed approximately 215 people, give or take another 20 or so, including some Jedis, and, yes – he killed Obi-wan Kenobi, Padme’, The Emperor, some Battle Droids and Super battle Droids, Captain Antilles, and  some imperial officers…that’s it. Unlike Mr. Cheney, he did not, however, preside over an undeclared, immoral, illegal, war which caused the deaths of over 100,000 innocent men, women, and children, against a country proven to have nothing to do with 9/11, and which was, to all intents and purposes, bombed back to the Stone Age. Nor did Mr. Vader preside over an administration which single-handedly destroyed the world’s economy as did Mr. Cheney and his front-man George W. Bush.” These comments came in light of a new memoir written by Mr. Cheney which offers no apologies, and instead seems to brag about his cherry-picking intelligence in making the case to go to war against Iraq, and his actions vis-à-vis the torture taking place at Guantanamo Bay Naval base. As for Hurricane Katrina, Mr. Cheney praises President Bush for “personally” dedicating “hundreds of hours not only to ensuring an effective federal response but to reaching out to people who needed to know that their government cared about them.” Said Mr. Vader “it is an insult, and really hurts my heart, to be linked in the same sentence with this war criminal,” he went on to say about Cheney’s book, “I should now consider writing a book about what an honorable nice guy I am also.”

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