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Humor, NEWS, poem of a sort, politics

The Ballad of Herman Cain

Bialek lured me with her smiles

And Kraushaar

Herman Cain Speaks At Values Voter Summit

Image by TalkMediaNews via Flickr

used her female wiles

Each of them was askin’ me to nail ‘er

I’m not admitting any wrong

But we know women’s ways are strong

A pussy hair can pull a tractor-trailer

I, Herman Cain; I never did it

I did not get jiggy wit’ it,

All those babes are lyin’ skanky hoes

If you think I’m blowin’ smoke

I’m just down wit’ blowin’ Koch,

Like I crowed – those Koch heads are my bro’s


So what if I ain’t heard of “that

Uz-beki-beki-beki” place

Only Becky I got that familiar with

Once slapped my face!


I was pizza’s Don Corleone

Honey, hold the pepperoni

After that I want you to sit on it

If you’re cute or if you’re plain-ish

I can’t help but just be Cain-ish,

Baby, baby, ooh you know you want it

So watch out daughters, wives, ‘n aunties

Herm is wormin’ towards your panties

If he runs it’s sad – and also funny

He’s my ideal Republican

Hasn’t got a chance to win

Come on Tea Bag Nation – send that money!


© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.


16 thoughts on “The Ballad of Herman Cain

  1. This guy deserves every skewering he gets. Cain upsets me as much as Clarence Thomas (and his crazy wife.) I’m sick of Republicans holding up African American men like these guys, as if they are strong and decent ‘representatives’ of our race. The republican fascination with them feels like another, insidious angle on racism to me. They have to be doing some awfully studious ignoring to embrace jerks like them.

    I know it’s probably best that they don’t have a good candidate, but something about the corporate dumbing down of America (the world!) has me scared about the election. Clarence Thomas is on the Supreme Court for life, which makes me feel a bit like I’m doing time. Cain’s teflon coating, as far as republicans are concerned, has me creeped out.


    Posted by Sparks In Shadow | November 13, 2011, 10:22 pm
  2. Well done. Funny. But then what could you say about this guy that would not be funny. Keep us laughing. Keep on writing. You sure do have the material, don’t you.


    Posted by Anonymous | November 12, 2011, 8:08 pm
  3. Please excuse my complete ignorance ….. walks off wondering who this Herman is… ( is it election time over on your side of the pond again? )


    Posted by egills | November 10, 2011, 12:56 pm
    • He’s just one of our Conservative Republican Tory assholes who believes he can be our President even though he is pretty stupid…come to think of it…so is a fair portion (read; Tea Party) of our electorate. thanks for reading, and for the comment. continue…


      Posted by barkinginthedark | November 10, 2011, 7:56 pm
  4. I don’t think Herman Cain wrote that ballad – way too eloquent for the Cain-inator.


    Posted by El Guapo | November 10, 2011, 2:14 am
  5. He’s a satirist’s dream.

    This is perfection. I was listening to the story about this on MSNBC in the car. My 12 year old daughter made a disgusted sound and asked who in the world could possibly take Herman Cain seriously.

    Thankfully a lot of those teabag folks don’t have the grasp on issues that my 12 year old does.


    Posted by lisahgolden | November 10, 2011, 12:28 am
  6. Magnificant piece of writing. Its such a shame. I could have almost, just maybe, a little bit liked the scum bag. If I had to like a lying, douche bag politician, that is. A leopard always shows its spots.


    Posted by Miss Demure Restraint | November 9, 2011, 11:33 pm
  7. YAY!!!!! Standing up and applauding. Wish there was a LOVE button …other than the one Hermy wants to get his hands on!


    Posted by Janece | November 9, 2011, 10:45 pm

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