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The Best of the New iPhones: A Sneak Preview of the iPhone’s Next Generation

Apple today announced the next generation of iPhones, and there are some huge surprises here, as well as terrific gift ideas, for the tech savvy among us. Here are some of the new Apple offerings:

The iThe Jury Phone….for the film noir fan in all of us

The iCan’t Stop Loving You Phone…for the newly separated

The iClaudius Phone…for history buffs

The iBelieve Phone…for that ultra devout member of your family

The iAm a Rock Phone…for the uber stubborn

The iBelieve I Can Fly Phone…for that sweet delusional friend

The iAm Woman Phone…for that special transvestite or cross dresser in your life

The iCan Dream Can’t I Phone…for all of us

The iCan See Clearly Now Phone…for that person in your life who just had Lasix surgery

The iAm Sam Phone…for people named Sam or Samantha

The iCan Get it For You Wholesale Phone…for that bargain-conscious friend

The iCover The Waterfront Phone…for that special hooker – male or female – in your life

The iEscaped From Devil’s Island Phone…for that newly divorced friend

The iKnow What You Did Last Summer Phone…for those filing for the above

The iLove Lucy Phone…only for men named Desi

The iLove You Alice B. Toklas Phone…for that special lesbian in your life (if her name happens to be Lucy, see the above phone)

The iNow Pronounce You Chuck and Larry Phone…(also see above – but for men)

The iSpit on Your Grave Phone…for the two-timed lover in your circle

The iSpy Phone…for that creepy peeping-tom across the way

The iStand Alone Phone…for that person you wish would bathe more often

The iChing Phone…for your friends who are going through changes

The iBeg Your Pardon Phone…for the flatulent

The iCan’t Give You Anything But Love Baby Phone…for that unemployed booty call in your life

The iCan’t Get no Satisfaction Phone…for the husbands of women who have to fake it

The iCan’t Wait Another Minute Phone…for those women who don’t

The iGet a Kick Out of You Phone…for that special masochist in your life

The iGot Rhythm Phone…for those in a relationship not using condoms

The iHear You Knocking Phone…for all of us who drive older cars

The iKnow a Place Phone…for cheating spouses

The iThink We’re Alone Now Phone…see above

The iWalk The Line Phone…for the S&M crowd

The iWant to Take You Higher Phone…for your dealer

The iWant Your Sex Phone…for those of us contemplating gender change

The iWonder Who’s Kissing Her Now Phone…for guys who really miss kissing her on her now

 

And finally; The iTouch Myself Phone…for that special teen boy of yours who takes thirty minute showers.

 

 

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

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About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

16 thoughts on “The Best of the New iPhones: A Sneak Preview of the iPhone’s Next Generation

  1. Brilliant, Tony! Best laugh of the day. Damn, you’re talented!

    Like

    Posted by youngamericanwisdom.com | December 8, 2011, 6:53 pm
  2. I’m laughing out loud, Tony. Thanks. I needed that.

    Like

    Posted by Sparks In Shadow | December 8, 2011, 3:02 am
  3. I went for the iThink Therefore I Am Phone. It’s the only way I could make the clerk aware of my existence.

    Like

    Posted by joem18b | December 8, 2011, 2:50 am
  4. Might I add the iThink Therefore I Am Phone for the philosophy major, iFeel Pretty Phone for the Paris Hilton wannabe, and the iSue You Phone for the ambulance chaser. Sorry, I just got a little too caught up in the moment.

    Love the post . . . obviously.

    Like

    Posted by Miss Demure Restraint | December 7, 2011, 11:33 pm
  5. Great list. Afraid to ask what special Apps/Hardware are on some of these, like The iBeg Your Pardon Phone…

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | December 7, 2011, 6:48 pm
  6. You are genius! [bow]

    Like

    Posted by MJ, Nonstepmom | December 7, 2011, 4:56 pm
  7. Thank you for my morning laugh! Brilliant!

    Like

    Posted by lisahgolden | December 7, 2011, 2:37 pm

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