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Humor, Presidential Politics, satire, writing

EMAIL FROM THE EVANGELICAL RIGHT

I ask you – why on G-d’s green earth would I ever want to be eatin’ food that is… Hasidic??

English: Gefilte fish, slices

English: Gefilte fish, slices (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am not of the Jewish or Hebrew persuasion, nor is no one in my family of that persuasion, and besides, also I do not never believe that you can ascend up to heaven without not accepting Jesus Christ as your lord and savior.

And yet right here and now on the food channel I am having to be assaulted with this there food that they are saying is Hasidic? Hasidic?? As a church-going Christian, a graduate of Liberty Online College, and a upstanding member of Pastor James Dobson’s Focus on the Family, not only do I fight against gay rights and fight to outlaw abortion with all my G-d given strength, but I consider gays – and unredeemed Hebrews – to be immoral and evil also…so why ever on G –d’s green earth do I have to hear on the food channel about Hasidic food? And, also my wife, in the kitchen there, and my nine children watch this channel to.

And what in Our Saviors sweet honeyed Heaven is Hasidic food anyway? I thought maybe it were that G-d filter fish – but I just now used the google on that and there ain’t even no such thing as G-d filter fish nowhere. I also just used the google to look for these Jewish pancake things I heard of- something called potato latch keys, and I did not see no potato latch keys nowhere never neither. And how can a person even think of takin’ a spoonful a somethin’ they call Boar sh-t? Ugh!

Is this some kind of Jew media plot to shove this kind of food down the throats of decent G-d fearing Christians such as me and mine? I mean I ask you, who in the h-e-double hockey sticks eats varnish? ‘Cause they have this here food which it’s called – I think – kosher varnish??? Is that why the Jews are so slick – they eat varnish? But, I used the google on that to and nothin’ came up, so I think this Hasidic food of theres is like a anti-Christian Semitic secret food which they eat to run the world and for to keep a great man like Ted Cruz from bein’ President?

Oh…wait…what? What??

Did she just say the food she was making there is…acidic?

Acidic?

Oh. Hmm…

Well…what I said goes anyway.

 

 

With respect to Gilda Radner and Roseanne Roseannadanna.

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

4 thoughts on “EMAIL FROM THE EVANGELICAL RIGHT

  1. Find it interesting that you placed a dash between G and d (G-d) while purporting to be a Christian. Yes I see you’re posts are satire. Have a nice weekend.

    Like

    Posted by Bonny Blogger | November 21, 2015, 1:10 pm
  2. Reblogged this on A Pondering Mind and commented:
    A great post, and a great writer to follow.

    Like

    Posted by A Pondering Mind | November 20, 2015, 6:57 pm

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