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The Rick Perry School of Advanced Applied Pole Dancing

FG pole dancing studio

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”There is no one who’s gonna be sitting on that stage who has the record of job creation I have.” Rick Perry

Typical classroom shown at right.

Rick Perry announced today that applications will now be accepted for the winter semester at The Rick Perry School of Advanced Applied Pole Dancing or TRPS (also known as traipse), and its companion school The Institute for Flipping a Better Burger. Adhering to his policy of being the creator of the most minimum-wage jobs in the country with the lowest median wage of any state, The Rick Perry School of Advanced Applied Pole Dancing will offer classes in: How to Stuff More Dollar Bills Into Your Poonani (for women), and: How to Get More Out of (and into) Your Cock Sock (for men and *transsexuals). The Institute for Flipping a Better Burger will offer classes for men and women in: Keeping Your Spatula Clean (men and women), and; Cheese: Do’s and Don’ts – or: Mold; Is it really such a bad thing, pro or con? Tuition for classes in the winter semester are decided on a case by case basis, but in most cases will not be quite as much as what each job will pay.

Says the schools founder: “…I credit our conservative leadership [in Texas] for unmatched Job creation…”

* as of last week Focus on the Family is threatening legal action re: transsexuals taking jobs away from good, young, white, deserving, teen-age Texas girls.

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.


12 thoughts on “The Rick Perry School of Advanced Applied Pole Dancing

  1. “There are some things that’ll scare you so bad you’ll hurt yourself.”~ John Henry Falk

    There is no need for apology, my friend. My admiration for your work and your good heart means never having to say you’re sorry. Besides, it is we Texans who have caused offense with the seemingly unending font of idiots we send up to Washington, so on behalf of my fellow Texans, I am so sorry! I’m sorry our reputation for strength of character, no longer in evidence, has given credence to these political parasites.

    The Falk quote (another fine Texan and one of Molly’s friends. They are both in my short list of personal heroes) seems appropriate to what is happening in our country. The fear mongers have successfully convinced Americans to hurt themselves further by allowing our leaders more authority over our lives in a misguided effort to keep us safe, as though such a thing is even possible.

    For some reason Texan’s have managed to pretend we still believe in courage and personal honor by re-electing cowards and liars who affect the individualistic rhetoric Texans have, in past generations represented well. Unfortunately, the rhetoric has survived where the courage and honor have not. I can’t explain it. I can only point it out, express my profound disappointment in it, and pledge to keep the seed of it alive in my children.

    Keep punching my friend. Punch hard and punch fast. Individually, the opponent is weak, but there are millions of them, many are mindless drones who cannot be turned (can’t change a mind that isn’t there) but they influence millions more who simply aren’t paying attention. They can be turned around, and I know that you are making a difference.



    Posted by Wendell Price | September 13, 2011, 10:13 pm
  2. Hi! Interesting sense of very dark humour, a little intimidating but I”ll keep on reading. Canadian, you know.


    Posted by An Embarrassment of Freedom | September 12, 2011, 10:07 pm
    • I SO appreciate the humor in your own reply… I thank you for continuing to read on, to forge ahead, i will try to be even more intimidating (tho’ I’m certain u r NOT easily intimidated Canadian or no.) I just read some of your lovely prose…it resounds with the echoes of a life well lived, and deeply felt. Continue….Thank you, and stay tuned.


      Posted by the Incurable Curmudgeon | September 13, 2011, 12:43 am
  3. I’m waiting for the Academy of Noodling. I desperately want to learn to hand-catch slimy catfish so that I can get make it big on the show Hillbilly Handfishing. I’m pretty sure it will be the break I’ve been waiting for.
    Isn’t Texas the state with the lowest high school graduation rate? Good thing there are so many minimum wage jobs being created for the masses.


    Posted by k8edid | September 9, 2011, 9:20 am
    • Well shucks ma’am – Texas is that very (sad) state…and I do believe the show Hillbilly Handfishing is on my TiVo list – can’t wait for your episode to air. Thank you Kate for the witty, inciteful comment…sad eh? enjoy the week-end.


      Posted by the Incurable Curmudgeon | September 9, 2011, 11:57 pm
    • actually, i look forward to your episode of HH with “baited” breath.


      Posted by the Incurable Curmudgeon | September 10, 2011, 12:32 am
    • While I share your concern over the sudden, alarming jump in the number of Noodling Academy applicants, if you believe that we can reduce, in any significant way, the growing competition for those coveted spots by increasing the number of high school graduates emerging from the goo of Texas’ public education system, let me dissuade you of this notion right now.

      As a native Texan and a high school dropout (Well, not exactly. I was thrown out), let me assure you that there exists nowhere a better academic preparation for a minimum wage job, Hillbilly Handfishing (my new favorite), or Noodling. Why, we can Noodle with the best of them. After all, our students have an old fashioned dedication to mediocrity and willful ignorance that you just can’t find anywhere else.

      Hmmm… Maybe Mississippi.

      Governor Perry is only giving Texans what we really deserve. By continuing to elect him Governor, Texans send a clear and undeniable signal to Gov. Perry: It is unnecessary to improve our education system. Save the money. We cannot be educated.


      Posted by Wendell Price | September 13, 2011, 8:00 am
      • Wendell, first let me apologize for all the ancillary besmirching here of the great state of Texas which has given us oh so many great humorists, intellectuals, Pols, writers, i.e.:Barbara Jordan, Molly Ivans, Jim Hightower, Ann Richards, Linda Ellerbee, and on and on…the list of great Texans is endless. Your witty comment illustrates the great font of intelligence which resides in Texas. Having said that, it’s too bad that the morons outnumber the brainiacs (as it seems to be all over) and lately, as you of course know as well as anyone, we get these dolts who end up governing your fair state, and then riding to national prominence on the saddle of misguided macho. Thanks for illustrating that all is not hopeless in your wonderful state. Any state that can give us Scott Joplin, Sam Rayburn, and Robert Rauschenberg, to name a few more, as well as yourself, can’t be all bad. More Perry shit coming. Peace, my friend.


        Posted by the Incurable Curmudgeon | September 13, 2011, 8:31 am
  4. Where do you sign up!?


    Posted by Maxim | September 9, 2011, 1:04 am

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