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Cautionary tale, Humor, NEWS, offbeat, politics, satire, writing

A Phone Call From Headquarters

Goebbels speaking at a political rally against...

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Hello, Reince? Reince Priebus? Hey Reince – it’s Josef here, Josef Goebbels. (listens) Yeah, I know we haven’t spoken in a coon’s age – what’s it been…a month, month and a half? Time flies when you’re fucking with people’s heads eh?



Reince – Reince baby, forget the Herr shit okay…we’re just a couple of  regular Nazis here, ganz gut? Okay? Okay. Anyway, I thought I’d check in, let you know that I think you guys are following my playbook perfectly and…


… Ja, Ja, naturlich, the coon Cain is funny…(listens) …Ja – aber, I have to commend you guys for hammering out the same messages over and over about their Schwartzer Obama, that he’s not a citizen – brilliant – that the economy is all his fault – even more brilliant –  straight outta the Goebbells playbook mein freund und…


…Ja, und what I was going to say was exactly that…that since we know that this base of yours has the IQ of a hamster, we need to up the ante even more and hammer away at them that they are going to lose their Social Security, and their pensions, and their homes, and their jobs, unless a Republican is elected because it’s really the Democrats who want to privatize everything – und, not  to digress, but it is very, very brilliant – ausgezeichnet – how you guys got these working idiots in Ohio and Wisconsin to turn on their own unions, and the whole idea of a union.  …


…Nein, nein, of course I haven’t forgotten the immigrant thing, what – you don’t know who you’re talking to all of a sudden? Reince – Reincey – tatala, I invented the blame-it-all-on-the-immigrant thing. It’s exactly what we did to the Jews when the economy went south in The Weimar Republic in the 20’s…we blamed it on the immigrants, the big nose Jews. Now you have the Spics, and the beaners. It’s all their fault, right? They have all the power right? Finanzstarkes ja? They caused it all. The bankers? The bankers are innocent patzers compared to these beaners who pick the crops for 3 dollars an hour. Remember – the immigrants –  they control alles!…


… Listen – Reincela, just keep doing what you’re doing – repeat after me, the economy is Obama’s fault – Republicans are for working people – sehr gut – Ja, Herman Cain is a man of the people – …(listens)…Reince, Reince, just keep saying that these women are all liars and obviously whores, that they’ve all had bastard children, you know the drill sweetheart, get that fat tool Rush Limbaugh, and that transvestite clown Ann Coulter, on it. If I’d had them when I was doing my thing Adolph would have won it all without a war…


…That’s what I’m sprechin’ on ya babe, you’re dealing with morons who need to be told what it is they’re actually looking at with their own eyes – it doesn’t matter if what they see is down if we say what they’re seeing is up. Nor does it matter that we’ve never done one decent thing for anybody who isn’t well-off, or white, like us. And it also doesn’t matter in the least that we haven’t got one single solitary person of substance in our “debates” – or that they’re all pretty much ignorant putzes – in fact, it works in our favor – it’s exactly why our base likes them. Our base doesn’t trust smart people. So you just keep on doing what you’re doing, and saying what you’re saying. Remember what the master liar George Costanza said…”it’s not a lie – if you believe it’s true.” And let’s face it – we pure white people are definitely better than everyone else in the first place – ja? and, if you’re white and wealthy – even better – we have every right to dominate these pathetic working-class losers…


…Adolph’s well, I’ll tell him you asked…in fact he’s picking me up later – we’re going for a ride in the Devil’s speedboat. The three of us are gonna go zooming through area 999 where everyone’s up to their necks in diarrhea, and we’re gonna make these huge waves. It’s hilarious – you’d love seein’ them struggle. Gotta run. Keep the lies comin’…Remember, if this nigger Obama gets four more years, and gets a Democratic congress to work with, we’re fucked.


© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.


18 thoughts on “A Phone Call From Headquarters

  1. LOL…”That’s what I’m sprechin’ on ya babe”….oh my God. Loves.


    Posted by Lilabell | March 19, 2012, 2:24 pm
  2. My apologies for missing this… love it! Edgy and mean just how I like everything in my life.


    Posted by On My Square | January 20, 2012, 3:51 pm
  3. Ha! I’m not the only one hearing German voices from the dead.


    Posted by Anne Schilde | November 19, 2011, 8:56 am
    • They’re all around us Anne, all around us. thanks for reading, and for appreciating. continue…


      Posted by barkinginthedark | November 19, 2011, 8:59 am
    • P.S. it just dawned on me that your “German voices from the dead.” are prolly relatives. hope i haven’t offended but i was referring to Nazis and Fascists. continue…


      Posted by barkinginthedark | November 19, 2011, 10:49 pm
    • With regards the vote on the Ledbetter act, I’m asmlot inclined to believe that the GOP was so prepared to vote against anything and everything that the President proposed that they were voting without checking what they were voting on! If Obama wants it we vote No! Voting against something as obviously reasonable as the Ledbetter act was nothing but a big shot in the foot (I enjoy that image when considered alongside the GOP’s love of weaponry). How any woman could go to the polls this November and vote for the GOP is beyond me. Even if you put aside all the other blatantly anti-women policies they’ve conjured up (thanks primarily to some religious nut jobs) their vote against the Ledbetter act must make them unelectable.


      Posted by Olga | July 17, 2013, 7:17 am
  4. I can’t believe I missed this. “Our base doesn’t trust smart people.” I hadn’t thought of if quite that way, but it is so true. This country seems to be devolving before my eyes.


    Posted by Miss Demure Restraint | November 16, 2011, 3:34 am
  5. Wow, a little on the angry side, not that it was not good as usual, I mean any post that that has

    “Time flies when you’re fucking with people’s heads eh? (listens) Reince – Reince baby, forget the Herr shit okay…we’re just a couple of regular Nazis here, ganz gut? Okay? Okay.” Or this..”Our base doesn’t trust smart people”

    A little uncomforable with the N word however, (Natch) but your are a Professional writer so.. SO… I have to go with your judgement on that .


    Posted by fivej | November 7, 2011, 2:08 pm
    • Joel, i can understand how offensive this word is to you. it is offensive to me as well. but in order to point up how offensive I believe Republicans are to working class citizens, women, and minorities in this country, one must be equally offensive in one’s satire/parody of these people. I, as myself, do not use this word…but writing in the voice of Josef Goebbels speaking to the head of the Republican party, i speak as he/they would. I hope this explains the usage of this offensive word somewhat, and i do apologize only for making you somewhat uncomfortable reading it… my intention is to make people uncomfortable with what is going on in this country vis-a-vis the screwing we’ve been getting from republicans since Ronald Reagan. thanks for reading, and commenting. peace, tony


      Posted by barkinginthedark | November 7, 2011, 8:01 pm
  6. And they would be apoplectic to see the comparison. Which is not to say that it isn’t brilliantly rendered here. They would just be apoplectic because that is what they do.


    Posted by lisahgolden | November 6, 2011, 1:08 pm

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