The End of Hunger Plan or: The Republican Final Solution

In what Republican leaders were calling a ”bold stroke of genius” House Republicans have put forth House Bill HR 1536-A, sub- titled “The End of Hunger” bill, and have vowed to see that it become the law of the land.

Boiled down to its essence, the bill proposes that people who live just above, on, or below, the poverty line must eat their dead.

House Republican Whip Eric Cantor (Photo credit: republicanconference)

Said the bills’ sponsor Cong. Richard Mudge R –Neb; “This bill solves many of the pressing problems we now face in this country. Too many of our minimum wage workers go to their jobs hungry, too many of our poorest students go to school hungry – and now they will not have to do this. You cannot operate a fry-o-lator, nor can you do sums on your fingers while hungry.” He paused for effect…then added; “And a wonderful by-product of all them good folk eating their dead will be all the savings they will gain on the cost of funerals, cremations, not to mention all the cemetery land that can be put to better use than burials…an Army base for example. So we must consider this as a highly patriotic thing to do as well.”

Reporters asked the Congressman how he would feel cooking and eating a member of his family for dinner. He replied; “I’d like to answer that question but I feel am not qualified to do so only because my family and I are nowhere  near  the poverty line.”  When pressed further he added; “I might have cooked and eaten my third wife.”

When asked if he had thought this plan through completely he replied: “And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat. Leviticus 26:29 . If the bible says it is okay – and it goes without saying that we can not question the good book – then who am I to question this? I am certain that all God fearing poor folk will see this as the true blessing from heaven that it is. Why, I do believe war could serve to provide the poor with an abundance of food.”

Before hurrying off to vote to invade Syria he invited all the assembled reporters to his home for dinner. They declined.

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