REPUBLICAN AIR FORCE BOMBS U.S.A.

On Monday, October first, in a concerted midnight strike the Republican Air Force bombed every major city in the USA.

English: Ted Cruz at the Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Flying above heavy flak the Republicans decimated city after city with precise pattern bombing.  Today they issued a statement saying in part; “They made us do it. It had to be done…just look around. You can see this country is no longer working the way it once did – even just up until this past Sunday.”

Said Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-TX); “Merely because we bombed everything to the ground is no excuse for trains, roads, mail service, and all the rest of the things we Americans count on, not to be working properly. We Republicans have worked far too hard and for far too long to let this country suffer at the hands of a few Democrat whiners who want people to have healthcare at the expense of the health of our beloved country.”

He continued; “We felt that it was in the best interests of our great country to show our citizens what it would be like if the disastrous Affordable Care Act were to be implemented. What we now have, schools destroyed, highways and roads unusable, homes in ruins, is exactly what  would  have happened in a short matter of time were this treacherous act allowed to exist.”

Republican Tea Party Congresswoman Michele Bachmann said the other day; “The Affordable Care Act must be repealed before it literally kills women, kills children, and kills senior citizens.” Today she said; “Poll after poll showed us that the American people would rather be bombed rather than have Obamacare forced upon them. We were forced to this action by the Democrats stubborn refusal to negotiate on our terms.”

Speaker of The House John Boehner said; “I talked with the President last night. I told him: this is not about me, or the Republican Party, this is about what’s best for the American people.” He then downed another shot.

Republican Governor of Florida Rick Scott, who steadfastly refused to allow Affordable Care Navigators to work in his state said; “Our elderly, as well as all the citizens of my state, were backed into a corner by what we knew would be the unworkability of Obamacare. This left us with no other reasonable choice but to deny access to these so-called navigators, and then ultimately blow things up.” He then ordered another whiskey.

Ted Cruz (R-TX) Tea Party leader and Commander-in-Chief of the RATS (Republican Air Tactical Squadron) said last week; “the Affordable Care Act poses the same sort of threat that Nazi Germany posed to Europe.” Today he added; “In that light, can any sane person blame us for bombing the country? The blame for this bombing falls on the Democrat party for putting healthcare ahead of what’s best for the country.” Echoed Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus; “Once again, Democrats are unwilling to listen.” He then poured each of them three more fingers of bourbon.

Rush Limbaugh, interviewed at an all-you-can-eat buffet, said; “These brave forty Congressional members known as The Tea Party will go down in our history as America’s greatest patriots. I myself would have flown on this historic mission to return sanity to this country had I been able to find a flight suit in my size.” He paused to re-fill his plate for the third time then continued speaking in between huge bites of pork belly. “This carpet bombing also has many ancillary benefits, such as; defunding some of the schools in this Socialist program called Head Start, where a bunch of street kids get free lunches on my dime, and these SNAP benefits: The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program which is a huge crock anyway. Nutrition assistance? I don’t know – I never needed it. Plus – and this is a biggie – there can be no new applications for Social Security. That in itself is a huge win-win. These are programs we Republicans have been trying to kill…” he paused and said “kill, I made a joke – anyway we Republicans have been trying to kill these forever…and all we had to do was carpet bomb the country to accomplish this. Who knew?” He stuffed another slab of pork belly into his maw.

As of this report, Ted Cruz has health insurance, Michele Bachmann has health insurance, and the billionaire Koch brothers, who funded the air strikes, have health insurance. The Kochs were – and probably still are – funding a nation-wide campaign to dissuade young people from signing up for health coverage through the Affordable Care Act exchanges in hopes of then making the premiums unaffordably high for those who participate in the system. This would negatively impact seniors, the lower middle class, and the poor the most.

Of course, by leveling America to the ground, thereby causing great monetary hardship to these most vulnerable among us, the Tea Party Republicans have rendered this point moot.

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.