THE BALLAD OF KEN CUCCINELLI (R-VA) (A MAN RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF VIRGINIA??)

Kind ladies excuse me this once

For the following ode re this dunce:

English: Heterosexual 69 position with fellatio and cunnilingus. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Let’s talk about Ken Cuccinelli

(Does he think his wife’s cooch is smelly?)

Why else does he say he won’t go

Down there – oh… God told him “NO”

“What’s that God? no cunnilingus?

Or fellatio or else you’ll zing us?

Well, how ‘bout a couple of fingers?”

“If thou dost that there will be zingers”

The voice bounces ‘round in that void

Between Ken’s ears and adenoids

“THOU SHALT ONLY PUT PENIS

NEAR HER MOUND OF VENUS

NO TOE OR HAND JOB

NOR POLISHING THE KNOB

Just climb on and thrust

Touch a breast if you must

Release future spawn

THEN GO mow the lawn”

So…

This Governor wannabe of Virginia

Thinks your hubby can’t put his tongue in ya

Or, go anywhere close to your rectum

(He will go around and inspect ‘em)

Because Ken gets it all straight from God

Who says we can not poke or prod

Or use our fingers or mouth

When it comes to adventures down south

Says Ken God is so very very

‘Gainst anything but missionary

And Ken knows that this is His Way

‘Cause God speaks to Him every day

And God told him over his wheaties

Thou shalt not do anything seedy

On this there’s no ifs, ands, or maybes

The reason’s we do it’s for babies

We must never do it for fun

Just climb on, and come, and you’re done

No doing what they did in sodom

And no funny ideas – if you’ve got ‘em

So…

Anyway, here is sex a la Ken

(Pay attention now women and men)

They strip down to their underwear

They both kneel and bow heads in prayer

The prayer lasts an hour I reckon

The sex lasts about 30 seconds

And she never even knows he was there.

Once again listen closely you women and men

Here is the moral according to ken:

“In getting to heaven you’ll be a failure

If you go near any genitalia”

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.