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Cautionary tale, Humor, Presidential Politics, satire, writing

AN EXCLUSIVE Q. AND A. WITH DONALD TRUMP

Recently Barking in the Dark had a chance to sit down for a one-on-one with Donald Trump, the presumptive Republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States. Here, in its entirety, is the transcription of that interview.

Good evening Mr. Trump. We–

–Trump

Q. Well, to be fair that wasn’t exactly a question – I merely said good evening. But, be that as it may, my first question to you is: What are your plans for our economy? Please be specific.

A. Trump

Q.  Yes – well…specifically, what economic forces will you put into play to help to provide the middle and lower classes with more and better jobs?

A.  Trump

Q.  Will you be revealing your economic plan for the country?

A.  Trump

Q.  Yes, well – Let’s turn to your taxes; will you be releasing your returns as mandated?

A.  Trump

Q.  You recently said; Vladimir Putin’s praise is “a great honor” Can you elaborate on that statement?

A.  Trump

Q.  You also recently said of North Korea’s despotic leader Kim Jong-Un “You gotta give him credit.” And, you praised him saying the way he executes his political opponents shows “he’s the boss.” Can you tell us why Mr. Kim’s methods of dealing with dissent are to your liking?

A.  Trump

Q.  And, you recently said of Carly Fiorina “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? And, referring to all women, “a person who is flat-chested is very hard to be a 10.” Would you still say those things?

A.  Trump

Q.  Is that why you insulted her looks – because she cited those facts?

A.  Trump

Q.  Let’s turn to your vaunted business acumen. You have filed four business bankruptcies, which Bankruptcy.com says makes you the top filer in recent decades and, as Carly Fiorina said. “That is in fact precisely the way you ran your casinos. You ran up mountains of debt, as well as losses, using other people’s money, and you were forced to file for bankruptcy not once, not twice, four times.” Any comment?

A.  Trump

Q.  Regarding  your failed Trump University; A New York judge ruled Tuesday that a fraud lawsuit brought by the New York attorney general against you and your real estate school will go to trial. The suit charges that Trump University fraudulently bilked students out of a collective $40 million. Any comment on this?

A.  Trump

Q. Referring to a woman’s right to choose you said, women should face “some form of punishment” for getting an abortion if the procedure were outlawed.” And then, you did an about-face, releasing a statement in which you said those who perform abortions, and not the women who undergo them, should be punished. So, which is it?

A.  Trump

Q.  You also did an about face on nuclear proliferation, the Iraq war, the Afghanistan war, the Israeli Palestine conflict, torture – waterboarding to be precise – about which you changed positions three times in three days, and, when military officials pointed out to you that it was an unlawful order you snapped; “Frankly, when I say they’ll do as I tell them, they’ll do as I tell them,” You also changed your positions on immigration, gun control, the ban on Muslims and Hillary Clinton of whom you said; “she really works hard and I think she does a good job.” So, what are your current positions on these matters?

A.  Trump

Q.  Do you still believe President Obama’s birth certificate is fake?

A.  Trump

Q.  Barking in the Dark would like your comment on some passages from an article by Kevin D. Williamson in the National Review. He suggests that you are an example of the “stupid psychopath problem” in that you believe – as you have said, actually boasted – that there are simple solutions to such complex problems as the predations of the Islamic State and our own financial situation but that these solutions are not implemented because people in Government are too soft – unwilling or unable to get tough and do what needs to be done. Mr. Trump, do you really believe, as Williamson suggests you do, “that that the trained killers in the U.S. military and intelligence agencies, and the often ruthless men who oversee them in Washington, simply are not willing to do what it takes to win?” And, quoting directly from his article; “that, if he were to be elected president, he would sit down in a room full of spooks and soldiers and operatives and be given a menu of possible strategies to use against the Islamic State, at which point he would say: “Don’t we have anything . . . tougher?” Any comment?

A.  Trump

Q.  And, also from the Williamson article; re your sitting down in a room full of spooks and soldiers and operatives; “at which point, the spooks and soldiers and operatives would look at one another nervously and say, “Well, Mr. President, there is another possibility, but it is just too mean. It’s too tough. We’ve never really seriously considered it. We just never had the guts to try it.” And then, Trump imagines, he’ll choose that.” And, to that point he asks; “if you are so tough, why did you lie to stay out of the Vietnam War”? Will you comment on these thoughts?

A.  Trump

Q.  One of your ex-wives Ivana told Vanity Fair that that from time to time you would read from a book of Hitler’s collected speeches, My New Order, which you kept in a cabinet by the bed. Have your stances against immigrants and the media their roots in those speeches?

A.  Trump

Image result for trump hitler cartoons

Q.  And, from an article in Fortune; “Because of your statements about Mexicans, Univision announced that it would no longer carry the Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants on its network. Do you think it might have been a better business decision to try to make moves to repair your fractured relationship with the company instead of suing them for $500 million? Don’t you think this is clearly “horrifically bad public relations and shows an arrogant and vindictive streak as well as exhibiting the worst trait any leader can exhibit – blind ego”?

A.  Trump

Q.  It seems to us here that your speech pattern sometimes resembles that of George Costanza. Why do you repeat everything? As if you think, as George did, that repeating things makes them true? What do you say to this?

A.  Trump

Q.  Finally, this last question; have you seen all the You Tube videos comically inserting you into Game of Thrones?

A.  Trump, TruMP! TRUMP!! I AM DONALD J. TRUMP AND YOU ARE A NOTHING! YOU HEAR ME? A NOTHING! YOU’RE ALL NOTHINGS!!  ALL OF YOU!! PEASANTS!! I COULD BUY AND SELL ALL OF YOU!! ALL OF YOU!! JUST ELECT ME – I WILL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! GREAT AGAIN!! BELIEVE ME! I HAVE WORDS! A LOTTA GOOD WORDS! I CAN BE PRESIDENTIAL! VERY PRESIDENTIAL! I HAVE WORDS! BELIEVE ME!

 

 

(Barking in the Dark wishes to apologize to the wonderful Hodor on Game of Thrones.)

 

 

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

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