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The Undecideds”

It grieves and saddens me no end that the fate of our country, as well as that of all of the so-called “free world” (that’s funny), lies in the hands of some people who have been called the “undecideds.” It seems to me that these “undecideds” are people who profess that they just can’t decide whether to vote for a complete incompetent who, as it happens, is white – or a thoughtful, intelligent, proven, calm person, who, to their chagrin, is “a black.”

It also seems to me that these “undecideds” are people who, if you hit them over the head with a heavy mallet, couldn’t decide whether you hit them over the head with a heavy mallet or not – unless you were “a black.”


mallet (Photo credit: pictonym)

Barking in the Dark has uncovered a sample multiple choice questionnaire sent by the Republican Party to these “undecideds.”

Q. Would you rather be hit over the head with a heavy mallet by a vague white man, or a smart black?

a. It doesn’t matter.

b. I’m thinking it over.

c. What does vague mean?

d. The white man.

Q. Who, in your opinion, would be more likely to score a direct hit onto your skull with a heavy mallet – a rich out-of touch white man, or a smart black?

a. This is an interesting question – I’ll have to give it some thought also.

b. Can I choose the heavy mallet?

c. Can I wear my trucker cap?

d. The white man.

Q. Would you consider being hit over the head with a heavy mallet more than one time?

a. If it didn’t hurt – I would.

b. How many times more?

c. What does consider mean?

d. If I was being hit over the head by a white man – why not?

Thank you for your participation in this exercise. People such as you are invaluable assets to The Republican Party.

So…there you have it friends. We can all rest comfortably in our beds at night secure in the knowledge that these “undecideds” will make the right choice in the voting booth this November. After all, when we see panels of these “undecideds” on our TV sets we can clearly see the  huge  effort they are putting in to make this  very  tough choice. Their deeply furrowed brows crown the puzzled looks on their faces. Faces that reveal the strain they are experiencing in deciphering this unfathomable enigma. If  only  there were some  clear–cut differences between the two candidates why,  then  of  course  they could make this  difficult  choice…but, alas – there aren’t any.

Well – there is this one big difference.


© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.


18 thoughts on “The Undecideds”

  1. Wish I could come up with brilliant repartee for this, but I’m laughing too hard. Thank . .Whomever . . that the election went the way it did, altho I am disappointed that things seem no better. PS – Indiana doesn’t get much attention when it comes to elections, but I have to wonder – everyone I know who votes absentee failed to receive a ballot last year. Maybe eyes should move from Florida and Iowa to the Hoosier state?

    Posted by Jennifer Ellen Lucas | September 12, 2013, 8:49 am
  2. Great piece, filled (as always) with your dry wit and yet to the point. Just a quick question: Does Acme still produce those large anvils? Not sure if a mallet will do the job

    Posted by Rachael Black | October 30, 2012, 11:01 am
  3. Does it have to be a mallet? Can it be a heavy steel frying pan?
    And can the white guy be an unparalleled idiot?

    Because if so, I’d still have to go with NO.

    Posted by El Guapo | October 8, 2012, 7:58 am
  4. I don’t get them. Are they uninformed, low info voters or do they simply wish to be begged?

    Posted by lisahgolden | October 4, 2012, 6:08 pm
  5. For the three questions, you should’ve added the letter e. All of the above.

    Posted by Don in Massachusetts | October 2, 2012, 12:25 pm
  6. Thank all the beach Gods (big and little) I had the foresight to marry a Bahamian and if Mitt is elected and moving to the Bahamas.

    Posted by Valentine Logar | October 1, 2012, 11:15 pm
  7. They’ve been vexing me too, Tony. How can any thinking person not already know how they feel about the issues? It’s like they’re brain dead or something. Wait, maybe they’re zombies …

    Posted by Sparks In Shadow | October 1, 2012, 10:42 pm
  8. If Mitt becomes Prez, I’m moving to Canada. Or Norway. Or Denmark. Or Switzerland.

    What truly amazes me is that people will vote against their best interest.

    Posted by Michelle at Motley News | October 1, 2012, 8:37 pm
    • as i wrote to Val…Michelle, i so hope you will be sticking around. thanks…and trust you are well. continue…

      Posted by Anonymous | October 8, 2012, 1:46 pm
      • Oh, I’m not going anywhere. But not sure what I’d do when it comes to politics. Either extreme, I’m sure. Disappear politically; or become even more active than ever focusing on getting Romney out.

        Posted by Michelle at Motley News | October 8, 2012, 2:09 pm
  9. I will say this much about the upcoming elections, if Mr Mitt becomes president, I am taking an early retirement, and will stay drunk in my new hometown (NOLA)..

    Posted by free penny press | October 1, 2012, 4:59 pm

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