Taking their cue from the Occupy Wall Street protest, America’s wealthiest 200 families, numbering some 25,000 people in all, and underwritten by the Koch Brothers, and The Committee to Keep Wall Street Working for the Wealthy, have built 1,000 custom-made chauffeured sleeper coaches, and will be embarking on a motorized caravan to Detroit, Michigan in order to protest against the poor.
The air-conditioned climate-controlled coaches, which were manufactured in China (in 2 weeks) to each family’s height, weight, and dietary specifications, come equipped with 3 bathrooms, and 3 shower rooms, all with solar-powered electricity and hot water, fully reclining leather sleeping seats, a bar, a restaurant manned by 2 chefs, Wi-Fi, satellite TV, a mini-gym with free weights, 2 stationary bicycles and 2 treadmills, a doctor, a nurse, a dentist, and his nurse, a butler, a housekeeper, and a hot-line to Eric Cantor. “We see no reason for the poor to exist at all in this country, and we’re going to try our level best to bring this problem of their using up our valuable oxygen into the light,” said one patriarch who wished to remain anonymous. “After all,” he continued, “When you come right down to it they are not the class of people one wishes to come in contact with even when they are doing the lawn.”
Said another, also wishing to remain anonymous, “That these wretches are allowed to live only serves as a blight on our country’s sterling name and reputation.” He added. “Besides, we only have enough soup and apples to go around…what right do these people have to take the Consommé en Gelee out of my children’s tureens?” Said a Chanel– clad matron, “When you give these people a hand-out you only encourage them to keep on existing for yet another day…what’s the point in that?” The protesters, who will not leave their coaches to protest, will instead merely have their servants hold up signs designed for them by an unnamed Taiwanese graphics house.
Such slogans as; Poverty is a Personal affront to Me, Why Go on in Such Misery, Why Should I Have to Look at You, and, If I Were You I would Kill Myself, will be on display.
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