Donald Trump was today awarded the Wally – the highest honor the Ku Klux Klan can bestow on a non-Southern speaking white man.
Said a Klan spokesman who preferred to remain anonymous; “Dis’ heah is duh hahest awawad dat duh Ku Klux Klay-an kan bestoah upahn a non-speakin’ South’ren poisson. Mistuh Trump is now an’ heretofowah hencefowath to be known heahabouts as a Pre-mee-uh Hah Whaht Kluck.”
In endorsing Trump David Duke, the former Klu Klux Klan grand wizard, added ” I hope he does everything we hope he will do.”
In accepting the award – which is named in honor of the four-time ex-Governor of Alabama George Wallace – Trump said; “This is yuge! I want to humbly thank The Klan on behalf of myself and my family, and especially my…er — Ah mean mah bee-yoo-tee-ful an’ tremendous wahfe Melania who, as all ya’all may know, is from Southeren Slovenia. So Ah ay-am a Southerenuh at hawt.
“Dis he-ah Wally awawad – an’ Ah ay-um tremendously honored to git dis which we all know is named fow a great American – an me bein’ now a Pre-mee-uh Hah Whaht Kluck is jes’ incredibly an’ unbelievably fabulous ya’ll as it repruhsents mah success in attainin’ the pinnacle of, in dis heah case, bigotry an’ ignorance – an’ dis heah is whut the Trump bray-and is all about…success at any prahce…all ya’ll.”
The the neo-Nazi website Daily Stormer said “Heil Donald Trump – the Ultimate Savior.” The website had earlier endorsed Mr. Trump after he called for deporting 11 million Mexican immigrants and, in a twist on his slogan, trumpeted “Make America White Again.”
The un-named Klan spokesman added – through his mask; “We aw so patriotical prow-ad of Mistuh Trump an’ havin’ him as dis’ ye-ah’s Wally winnuh is a yuge feathuh in ou-ah hoods.”
Trump added: “Ya’ll know an’ Ah do declay-ah dat Ah have always said dat ah jes’ love dis heah Klan outfits, dey are fabulous – an’ dese tremendous an’ fabulously unbelievab;y terrific bonfahrs all ya’ll laht up dat boin up duh naht sky. It’s terrific! Raht folks? Huh…Raht? Whem Ah ay-um raht Ah ay-um raht. No one does it lahk all ya’ll – no one.”
As his son Donald Jr. – beaming with pride – looked on at his side, Trump gave his, by now familiar, two thumbs up sign.
“So…vote for me an’ Ah will make America white er – Ah mean – whaht agin…all y’all”
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