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Humor, Presidential Politics, satire, writing

INSIDE DONALD TRUMP’S FEVERISH MIND

 

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I dunno…if all these idiots keep shooting each other what do I haffta do to stay on the front pages – kill someone?…golf tomorrow?…I gotta call my Beijing factory…hmm. – the killing does keep people from thinking about my tax returns…maybe I should pick Gingrich? He’s a real loser…I dunno…I’ll have a nice t-bone tonight…Dallas – what a loony toon city…hmm… Obama’s gonna go there??? Shit, he could get shot there…with a nice red…hey, that’ll make Hillary almost like a substitute martyr deal…if he gets himself shot hmm…that may do it…hmm…

…Or Rubio…I could pick Rubio…He’s a real schmuck…that ’09 Margaux…or Cruz – everybody hates him…I love how these dopes believe this wall thing…what a laugh…that’s a nice red…Jeez – what’ll I do if I actually fucking win?  Nah…it won’t happen…it better not…or fish, I haven’t had fish lately…I gotta say a few more outrageous things that’ll turn these fucking dummies off…memo to me – Donald; call our new reality show The Apprentice Two…Fox’ll pay me a tremendous bundle for this one…but I gotta lose…

…I can’t believe even after all the shit I’ve said that I’m only down by five to that twat…these voters are really morons…should I have fish tonight?…maybe Don Jr. should kill another elephant or two – it’ll get all the babes in an uproar…Melania wants me to eat more fish…I mean, I can’t be too obvious about throwing this thing – what else do I frickin’ have to do?… I’m in a steak mood though…Maybe I should “accidentally” use the N word?…nahh…too much…or is it?…if it’s fish I need a great white…should I tweet that Jesus was a hippie freak who needed a bath?…

…Guns! I should defend guns very strongly…I could wave my glock at my next speech…nahh – the NRA loonies’ll eat it up – get me even more votes…I know – I gotta insult women more…or pasta…I love the new ties…maybe some linguini with clams?…hey, maybe call out that Fox news babe who’s suing Roger…yeah…get the women’s thongs in a twist…fish’ll definitely call for a fabulous white…can’t get on Melania’s bad side though…ahh – she knows it’s all bullshit…I think…gotta work on my tee ball…the kids believe me though…gotta keep this game going for the pub…a Batard Montrachet…the Jesus tweet might do it…

…Why did they get off of Trump U. so fucking quick?…I can’t release my returns which’d do it but…Christ, too much crap going on to keep Trump on the front page…too goddamn much…maybe some uni pasta, yumm…what the hell do I know about foreign policy?…uni pasta – gotta book a table for tonight at Marea…I’m a deal maker…I make deals…I would probably make the greatest President of all time – but it’s waaay too much work…waaay too many hours…they all get gray…I love my hair color…I don’t do gray…

…I know – Christie! That fat schmuck’ll take us both down…I’ll look like a hero…it’ll be his fault…I’ll blame him…or a bone-in Rib-eye…call the factory in Bangladesh…a nice 24 ounce one…black and blue…Michele Bachmann?…shit, the convention’s almost here…gotta plug Bergdorf Goodman – my Trump ties are going through the roof…Sarah Palin?…college-educated whites’ll bail me out…yeah, steak and a 2009 Chateau Margaux…Ben Carson?…

…Hey – you know what? Fuck this! Go for it big Don! You’ll be the most tremendous greatest President of all-time! Another Lincoln! You’ll be even more important than you are now! The most important person in the world! I think I’m  that already! I mean, who’s smarter? Who’s the greatest? Who’s the world’s greatest deal-maker? Who’s the greatest looking? Who’s had the best babes? Who? I ask you…ME! The Donald! That’s who! I wish I could kiss my own gorgeous face…Mwa mwa mwa mwa…Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me…I need a new plane.

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© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

6 thoughts on “INSIDE DONALD TRUMP’S FEVERISH MIND

  1. Too bad The Donald didn’t pick Sarah Palin as his running mate — if ever two people were made for each other, it’s them. Plus, I miss Tina Fey doing her Sarah impersonation lately. But apparently The Donald isn’t as dumb as he looks — why run with the only character in the country who might upstage him without half trying?

    Like

    Posted by mistermuse | July 20, 2016, 9:30 pm
  2. I’m gonna go get the papers, get the papers.

    Like

    Posted by chris | July 14, 2016, 12:33 pm
  3. I just gotta go and get the papers… get the papers

    Like

    Posted by THe Horse | July 14, 2016, 12:31 pm

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