Morris, Alabama, Nov. 9 – Pastor Furlin J. Duddy commented today in the wake of the newly released incendiary audio of the Republican candidate for President Donald J. Trump. Pastor Duddy, the head of The Alabama Evangelical Pastors for Trump said; “it is quite obvious to all of us devout evangelicals that Mr. Trump’s recorded remarks concerning a pussy were without a doubt referring to an actual kitten.”
The pastor said; “Mr. Trump is an animal lover which is a very godly thing and when he said he would grab a pussy he was talking about grabbing a poor homeless animal from out of a shelter and giving this creature of God a home. This is highly commendable and I would go so far as to say this is Christ-like. We in the evangelical community applaud Mr. Trump for his comments and for his love of all pussies in need of saving – wherever they may be.”
He continued; “it is absolutely disgraceful what the liberal media has turned this story into…absolutely disgraceful and altogether unwarranted. A man professes his love for God’s creatures and he is vilified by the devil’s disciples of the liberal commie media. For shame! This is all the more reason why evangelicals everywhere, and especially here in Alabama will be voting our consciences when we cast our vote for Mr. Trump and, in doing so, our vote for God.
If a man professes his love for one of God’s creatures – in this case a pussy – if he professes his concern for this creature, if he wishes to, as he said, grab this pussy, and by doing so we may take it that he would thus deliver this furry little wonder from travail does this not make him a worthy person to sit in The White House? We, of the evangelical community, think it does.
Praise be the man who would place this tiny pussy uppermost in his mind and thus move Heaven and Earth to deliver this pussy to himself. This is nobility. This is holiness. This is our choice to be the next President of The United States of America.”
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