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Cautionary tale, Humor, NEWS, Presidential Politics, satire, writing

EVANGELICALS STAND BY THEIR MAN

 

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Morris, Alabama, Nov. 9 – Pastor Furlin J. Duddy commented today in the wake of the newly released incendiary audio of the Republican candidate for President Donald J. Trump. Pastor Duddy, the head of The Alabama Evangelical Pastors for Trump said; “it is quite obvious to all of us devout evangelicals that Mr. Trump’s recorded remarks concerning a pussy were without a doubt referring to an actual kitten.”

The pastor said; “Mr. Trump is an animal lover which is a very godly thing and when he said he would grab a pussy he was talking about grabbing a poor homeless animal from out of a shelter and giving this creature of God a home. This is highly commendable and I would go so far as to say this is Christ-like. We in the evangelical community applaud Mr. Trump for his comments and for his love of all pussies in need of saving – wherever they may be.”

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He continued; “it is absolutely disgraceful what the liberal media has turned this story into…absolutely disgraceful and altogether unwarranted. A man professes his love for God’s creatures and he is vilified by the devil’s disciples of the liberal commie media. For shame! This is all the more reason why evangelicals everywhere, and especially here in Alabama will be voting our consciences when we cast our vote for Mr. Trump and, in doing so, our vote for God.

If a man professes his love for one of God’s creatures – in this case a pussy – if he professes his concern for this creature, if he wishes to, as he said, grab this pussy, and by doing so we may take it that he would thus deliver this furry little wonder from travail does this not make him a worthy person to sit in The White House? We, of the evangelical community, think it does.

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Praise be the man who would place this tiny pussy uppermost in his mind and thus move Heaven and Earth to deliver this pussy to himself. This is nobility. This is holiness. This is our choice to be the next President of The United States of America.”

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© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

4 thoughts on “EVANGELICALS STAND BY THEIR MAN

  1. Excellent Tony. Fundee’s backing Drumpf is comical considering his utter lack of humility and record of absolute zero interest in religion BEFORE running for president. But like most GOP’s who hold their nose and back him the Christian Evangelical Right are so entrenched in keeping their opposition to liberals, Democrats and those with other belief systems that they’ll prop him up as Johnny Sundayschool, paragon of virtue. What bullshit. My favorite was when he was asked what his favorite Bible passage was at some shakedown dinner rally for Christians, etc. He responded “Umm… that’s a personal thing, too personal.” and when the press in front of him probably raised eye brows he says “Well, look, an eye for an eye, you can almost say that.” Thank you Deacon Drumpf.

    Like

    Posted by Johnny Spade | October 9, 2016, 4:33 pm
  2. Reblogged this on A Pondering Mind and commented:
    Another funny and great post, by a great writer…

    Like

    Posted by A Pondering Mind | October 8, 2016, 5:44 pm

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