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Jobs? What Jobs? The Gays are Lurking Behind Every Bush Just Waiting to Jump on our Bodies

I-BLOW, or Iowans Behind Laws Outlawing Whatever, numbering some 1,000 evangelical voters strong, will be “flocking” to Des Moines Iowa new years day for a forum to discuss what are – no doubt – the two issues uppermost in all American voters minds, namely, a woman’s right to choose, and the gay “problem.” All the 2016 Republican Presidential  hopefuls, including some 60 members of the Tea Party caucus will attend.                                       

The day’s events will begin with a prayer to God to kill all the gays  followed by a morning circle jerk. The evening forum’s host, Ralph Reed, chairman of The Faith and Freedom Coalition said, *“A lot of behind the scenes wooing and romancing is going on.” Later in the afternoon, he was spotted entering the Motel 6 on Interstate 5 with two boys who appeared to be no older than fourteen. When reporters asked Mr. Reed about this he replied; “I’ve been working quite hard lately.” When the reporters asked him what that had to do with what he and the boys were doing there, he replied; “Why do you people always try to make something out of nothing?” When pressed further he said; “Look, can’t a guy just spend a little down time watching TV with a couple of good friends?” He then waved to everyone, kissed the boys good-bye, got into his limousine, and sped off.

Português: Silvetty Montilla, Salete Campari e...

Português: Silvetty Montilla, Salete Campari e outras drag queens brasileiras em 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An additional 2,500 I-BLOW members will attend a pre-groundhog day round-table in Des Moines held by the Family Leader, an umbrella group of socially conservative organizations that have banded together for the 2016 campaign. Besides the annual pumpkin fucking, they will be giving thanks that half their members have not as yet been caught in some bathroom with someone’s dick in their mouth.

And, with an eye to many a conservative’s attraction to bathrooms, Steve Deace, a conservative talk-radio host said; *“When that Tea Party group coalesces around somebody, take all the Dems endorsements and fundraising advantage and flush them down the toilet.”

Two of the highlights of Saturday’s forum will be the Ann Coulter Drag look-alike contest – the early favorite is still Lindsey Graham, and the “Queen of the Forum Pageant.” Entries have been flooding in, and last year’s winner, Jim Bob Simmons, of Focus on the Family predicts that it will be “real gol’ durn tough” to beat Rick Santorum, “Ah have seen him in his gown – and he is jes’ stunning” said Mr. Simmons.

*actual quote

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2011 revised 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


 

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About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

6 thoughts on “Jobs? What Jobs? The Gays are Lurking Behind Every Bush Just Waiting to Jump on our Bodies

  1. Just thought I’d bring you up to date with our own weird shit. Romania and Bulgaria formally join the EU from 1st January. We’ve had scare stories for months about how the free movement of EU citizens means they will flood to the UK immediately, raping and plundering. We now have a delegation of MP’s who will be at airports from 7.00 am on New Year’s Day to see how many arrive. Jesus wept !
    Happy holidays to you and all your readers and commenters here. It’s a fun read. Sanity reigns.

    Like

    Posted by Single Malt Monkey | December 21, 2013, 12:19 am
  2. Since it isn’t listed in the highlights, does that mean they won’t be cooking a massive welcome pie out of the fucked pumpkins, or is it just so tasty, they don’t want other people turning up for it?

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | December 19, 2013, 10:53 am
    • mea culpa…i forgot to mention that the “Fucked Pumpkin Pie” goes on the dessert menu down the road apiece at Darlene and R.C. Billy Bob’s diner and gun shop “Rack ‘n Snack.” many thanks EG for pointing out this egregious oversight. 🙂 one can always count on you. continue…

      Like

      Posted by barkinginthedark | December 19, 2013, 11:23 am
  3. The true idiots abound in Iowa, and in other red neck states…

    Like

    Posted by A Pondering Mind | December 18, 2013, 5:56 am

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