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Rick Perry to Open Chain of Mortuaries across Texas (and a related item)

"The Honorable Rick Perry (front right), ...

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Rick Perry announced today he’ll be opening a chain of mortuaries across Texas. “Ah got this great idea right smack in the middle of another execution, an’ ah was gonna call ‘em The RP Mortuaries,” said Perry, “but my brilliant wife said, “honey, you have to call ‘em the RIP Mortuaries, you know?…RIP? It’s perfect!” An’ ah said “what’s the I gonna stand for – why do I want it to say Rick I. Perry? An’ she said… Perry paused for effect…“Interment…silly. Rick Interment Perry. RIP.” Perry beamed at the assembled crowd, “Huh? Is she brilliant or whut”? He then went on to elaborate, “with mah record of executions here in Texas, an’ with mah plans for Social Security, Medicare, Union Pensions, and all that dumb sissy stuff  that keeps them old people alive…ah will totally be able to control the supply chain of dead folks! It’s pretty darn near a perfect business model, if ah do say so myself! Take that Mitt Romney!” When someone in the room remarked that there was a certain symmetry here, Perry said; “Of course there is. There’s lots of symmetries in Texas, an ah will be needin’ a symmetry or three to bury er- excuse me, inter – all these people.” He then went back to practicing his quick draw, his pistol twirl, and his “Presidential” look.

And, in today’s related item: in last nights Republican “debate” Perry said he was “offended” at the notion that he could be “…bought for $5,000…” Notice – he wasn’t “offended” at the notion that he could be bought at any price, but obviously a mere $5,000 jes’ ain’t enough fer this cowboy. I think Perry’s slip was showing. What do you think?

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.


13 thoughts on “Rick Perry to Open Chain of Mortuaries across Texas (and a related item)

  1. hilarious!


    Posted by a diamond uncut | April 16, 2012, 6:25 am
  2. “I gotta go to tha bathroom. I gotta go to tha bathroom” cause the giggles made me go. The giggles made me go. Hehe. This is pretty funny. I’m glad I stumbled on it. And it only makes it better that you were Jimmy Two Times in one of my all time favorite films, but I’m sure you get childish comments like this a lot.

    Sigh. I don’t like the fact that I live in the state where Perry dominates. What can you do but make good rants like this one?


    Posted by P.A.Z. | February 26, 2012, 9:29 pm
  3. Senior (pre senior) moment here with my late night posts! Too much boundary pushing for me all at once! I thought at first….what have i done? Ha! it will liven up my blog anyway. Regarding this post of yours as I don’t know American politics like you do all I can say is it makes one think…..Big hat, No Cattle.


    Posted by An Embarrassment of Freedom | September 14, 2011, 2:46 pm
  4. Symmetries. I snorted water out my nose on that one.


    Posted by k8edid | September 13, 2011, 11:35 pm

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