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Alabama Man Sees Baby Jesus in His Swiss Melt

grilled cheese

Image by Nika via Flickr

Dateline: New Blemish, Alabama

From the New Blemish Daily Morning Movement,

Mr. Wilfred T. Flense, a prominent member of the New Blemish branch of The Tea Party, told this reporter yesterday that the baby Jesus had appeared to him in his Swiss melt, “I was havin’ my lunch over at Phil and Darla’s Hits ‘n Runs Diner, and that cute little Laura Sue brought me my sandwich – I like it that they do it real well done there – So anyway, I picked it up to take a bite an’ there He was…the baby Jesus.

I swear on all that’s sacred He was snuggled in there between the two slices of toasted bread looking at me all sweet and everything”, an’ He asked me to come closer, so I leaned in real close like…and, in this real, real soft voice, the baby Jesus told me to tell everyone that they should get out and vote for either Rick Perry, or Michele Bachmann. He said that they alone knew how to wipe away all our sins – of course I believe that anyway. It was a real genuine miracle, only thing is, I had to wait until He had toddled off before I was able to eat any of my sandwich – which I was craving.” Mr. Flense, 63, who his close friends call WTF, is married to the very lovely Edna Flense of Flense’s Exciting Doilies.

Previously, some 3 months after President Obama was sworn in, Mrs. Flense had reported to this paper that a vision of Dick Cheney had come to her while she was under the hair dryer at Mlle. Sharlene’s Chalet de Beaut. Mr. Cheney, she said, had whispered to her that he had “very little respect for any of these elitist East Coast tree hugging Liberals who have ruined our country, fouled our environment, and caused all this economic trouble we are now in.” She said he told her, also in a “real, real soft voice,” that “if it wasn’t for these Progressives we’d never have invaded Iraq…but it was all their noisy unpatriotic protesting that made it necessary.”

Phil and Darla’s Hits ‘n Runs Diner have since added Velveeta to the Swiss, and are now calling the sandwich, which has become their most popular menu item, Sweet Cheeses.

 

© tony powers and barking in the dark, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and barking in the dark, with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

20 thoughts on “Alabama Man Sees Baby Jesus in His Swiss Melt

  1. Are you sure that wasn’t Jeff Sessions? Sounds like him. lol

    Like

    Posted by GEORGETIREBITER | June 14, 2017, 2:29 pm
  2. WTF?
    haha…
    lol

    Like

    Posted by random8042 | March 13, 2012, 1:44 pm
    • thanks Sophie, i just subbed to your blog…somehow i didn’t think you had one. very interesting stuff. since i now know you’re a physics-head i sent you -in a comment – a couple of my others you may enjoy. anyway, thanks for reading, and for the giggle. continue…

      Like

      Posted by barkinginthedark | March 13, 2012, 6:49 pm
    • thanks Sophie, i just subbed to your blog…somehow i didn’t think you had one. very interesting stuff. since i now know you’re a physics-head i sent you -in a comment – a couple of my others you may enjoy. anyway, thanks for reading, and for the giggle. continue…

      Like

      Posted by barkinginthedark | March 13, 2012, 6:50 pm
  3. The older posts are corny but that has been the process i needed to go through. Vulnerability can be a strength. ThanksCur for trying to read “some” of them. An acquired taste like stinky cheese. i don’t think you could stand most of it but I’m pleased that you detect some poetry there. My favourite old posts are Higher Education, Cousin Jean and Where There Is Smoke and Soft Touch. Spare yourself the others. Culture shock I’m sure.

    Like

    Posted by An Embarrassment of Freedom | September 16, 2011, 8:15 am
  4. Is there anymore? You should have your own program like Stewart or Colbert. Canadian politics pales (thank goodness) in comparison. Something weird though, since being somewhat influenced by your gutsy swagger my reader stats have significantly improved. I think my new writing style might be becoming something along the line of Anne of Green Gables meets Jersy Shore.

    Like

    Posted by An Embarrassment of Freedom | September 16, 2011, 6:03 am
  5. Dear Tony,
    You never cease to amaze me. Your humor and lazar beam intellect dazzle me with every new piece. I do
    believe that you are a national treasure and a voice for all who feel as you do ,but do not have the rare gift of being
    able to express themselves. May your brilliant light continue to shine .
    I’m off to find Phil & Daria’s ” Hits ‘n Runs” Diner. Sweet Cheeses, here I come !
    Most Sincerely, Joanne Beretta……like the gun.

    Like

    Posted by Joanne Beretta | September 16, 2011, 3:06 am
  6. “…Phil and Darla’s Hits ‘n Runs Diner have since added Velveeta to the Swiss, and are now calling the sandwich, which has become their most popular menu item, Sweet Cheeses…”

    This, dear sir, is why I follow your blog. Thank you. (Fortunately, I did not snort anything out of my nose today while reading your post, sparing you that visual). Carry on.

    Like

    Posted by k8edid | September 16, 2011, 12:52 am
  7. Like the way your sarcasm / parody leave the reader completely unsure as to your true leanings.

    Like

    Posted by brainrants | September 16, 2011, 12:14 am

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: Mitt Romney: I’ll Have the Cheesey Gri- er or: The Art of the Flip- Flop. Or; if I Said That, This is What I Really Meant…For Now. Unless I Change My Mind. I Think. Maybe. « Barking In The Dark - March 13, 2012

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