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The Ballad of the Republican Candidates or: Would Anybody Like Some Mixed Nuts?

Republican presidential candidates are picture...

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And now – The Republican field

Adding all of their IQ’s would yield

A remarkable sum

Giving them headaches from

How to keep this much dumbness concealed


There’s “kids could be janitors” Newt

Rick: “whut’s that third thing? Oops – shoot”

Cain: was “what affairs?”

Michelle: well…who cares?

And Mitt who looks good in a suit


As a group they have no self-awareness

They (and their base) couldn’t care less

Au currant as brown suits

They all should wear clown suits

It’s a farce that this is their best


Cain: he’s now gone – it’s a blessing

Prick Perry’s a bundle of gaffs

Bachmann’s still Bachmann – depressing

And the rest are just good for some laughs

Santorum: just look at who’s for ‘im

There’s privatize healthcare Ron Paul

And if Huntsman were a cuntsman they’d adore ‘im

And Mitt: still fills suits and that’s all

Tho’ Newt he’s now having a surge

(Excuse me while I go and purge

This party’s for jerks, for conmen, a scourge

Of the Kochs and religious right church


Their hearts pledged to Grover, their souls to the Kochs

Purse opened to all corporations

In future to reference them look under jokes*

*Also see anal evacuations


On tax cuts for their rich pals they’re certain

But to pass a jobs bill’s too exertin’

They lied us to war

Kids went to die for

Kellogg Brown Root – Halliburton


The lies that these imbeciles weave O

MG and they think we believe Yo

Their arrogance pains us

Their sheer denseness drains us

It’s good we can fast-forward TiVo


Be you plumber, or welder, pot scrubber

Seafaring folk or landlubber

If for this crowd you’re pro

Someone kindly should throw

Your ass into to a room made of rubber.


© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2011.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.


16 thoughts on “The Ballad of the Republican Candidates or: Would Anybody Like Some Mixed Nuts?

  1. Oh how I pray you don’t ( ‘cos you becomes we on the World stage)end up with a Nut Job in the White House.
    PS Loved the image of the ass bouncing around a room made of rubber. hahahha


    Posted by Single Malt Monkey | December 22, 2011, 8:19 am
    • be afraid…be very afraid…altho’ it does appear that the tories are shooting themselves in the foot right now…only thing is – we must never underestimate the stupidity of the masses…we’ll see. i too sure hope we elect the right person here (obama) for us – and yes, the world – and to that point you made, you’re correct – it was bush/cheney that kicked off this current world-wide economic meltdown. so, fingers crossed. thanks for the comment SMM. continue…


      Posted by barkinginthedark | December 22, 2011, 10:09 pm
  2. Total agreement here.


    Posted by Sparks In Shadow | December 19, 2011, 11:45 pm
  3. This just never gets old! I feel like Oliver with my bowl out asking for more.


    Posted by Miss Demure Restraint | December 18, 2011, 4:56 am
  4. Now, now….. we should be thankful they are making it so easy for people to see how rediculous they truly are! They are providing great material for your ballads, & its mildly entertaining to boot!


    Posted by MJ, Nonstepmom | December 18, 2011, 2:38 am
  5. It’s hard to believe that this is the field for the Republicans. I can’t imagine the things they’d be advocating if they moved any further to the right.


    Posted by lisahgolden | December 18, 2011, 1:05 am
    • unfortunately i know you can imagine these “things” Lisa h, just close your eyes – you got your slavery, your child labor, your police state, no unions, the chair for stealing a loaf of bread, a private armed forces, overt (no “c”) wars for profit, shall i go on? naaah, it’s way too grim. continue…


      Posted by barkinginthedark | December 18, 2011, 9:42 pm
  6. If you add all their IQ’s, you might just end up with a total within the “normal” range…. But Michele’s will definitely subtract from the sum.


    Posted by She speaks.... | December 17, 2011, 2:18 am
  7. EG not sure how you read that…i said she (and all of ’em) are trying to hide “dumbness”. read it again. yeah, Mitt does look good in a suit by golly. thanks for the comment, enjoyable as usual. continue…


    Posted by barkinginthedark | December 17, 2011, 12:37 am
    • Wow, I read it completely in reverse – thinking that it said they were trying to conceal their brains to play to the lowest common denominator.
      Says something about my hope(?) for politics…
      Thanks for setting me straight, and apologies for my confusion!


      Posted by El Guapo | December 17, 2011, 2:32 am
      • whew…i was beginning to think it was me. no – au contraire mon frere – since you didn’t read it right you’d be perfect for politics. thanks EG and continue…


        Posted by barkinginthedark | December 17, 2011, 5:07 am
  8. Thank you for reminding me that Mitt is consistent. Dude can rock a suit.
    And as far as the opening stanza – are we sure Bachmann is hiding brains?


    Posted by El Guapo | December 16, 2011, 9:49 pm

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