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Mitt Romney: I’ll Have the Cheesey Gri- er or: The Art of the Flip- Flop. Or; if I Said That, This is What I Really Meant…For Now. Unless I Change My Mind. I Think. Maybe.

Republican Primary candidate Mitt Romney made an unscheduled campaign stop yesterday in New Blemish Alabama. The New Blemish Daily Morning Movement, the town’s paper of record reports that Mr. Romney stopped for breakfast, some “pressing the flesh,” and an impromptu “town hall” meeting at New Blemish’s favorite dining destination, Phil and Darla’s Hits ‘n Runs Diner, the same eatery where Wilfred T. Flense (known to his good friends as WTF) said he saw the Baby Jesus in his grilled cheese sandwich.

Grits.

Image via Wikipediayesterday in New Blemish Alabama. The New Blemish Daily Morning Movement, the town’s paper of record reports that Mr. Romney stopped for breakfast, some “pressing the flesh,” and an impromptu “town hall” meeting at New Blemish’s favorite dining destination, Phil and Darla’s Hits ‘n Runs Diner, the same eatery where Wilfred T. Flense (known to his good friends as WTF) said he saw the Baby Jesus in his grilled cheese sandwich.

The Morning Movement notes Darla had to serve Mr. Romney herself after Laura Sue “lost track of what table he was at because he kept changing it.” As the Morning Movement writes; Darla said, “He walked in – followed closely by a FOX-TV crew – and he looked around, and then sat at that table over there by the window. So Laura Sue went over, and started to hand him a menu so she could take his order when he just got up, looked around again, and moved to the table over by the Blemish Flying Fruit Bats banner – that’s our high school baseball team – and so anyway, she went over there to take his order. So she hands him the menu and he starts looking at it. Meanwhile she went to get him the complimentary glass of water we always offer, and when she turned around to bring it over he just plain weren’t there – he had changed his table again – now he was over by the juke box in the corner.

So she brings him the water, and he asks her what’s good Lorena? Actually he said “Whut’s good y’all Lorena ma’am…kin ah git a biscuit y’all? Our nanny Mammy Beulah Mae made us all the bestest biscuits ‘n gritlins with cheese every mornin’ y’all ma’am.'” And Laura Sue who is really partial to our Sweet Cheeses sandwich – that’s what we re-named the grilled cheese sandwich that WTF said he saw the Baby Jesus in, and by the way, I believe him – anyway, Laura Sue says, “well, if you do like cheese, our Sweet Cheeses sandwich is my all-time very favorite” – and he goes; “hmmmm…okay, if y’all say so Lorena ma’am, then I’ll have the swee” – an’ he stops and says; “No, I think maybe I…whut’s a cat fish? Cat fish? And she explained to him that it wasn’t really a cat, but a fish. “Ahhh” he goes…”Ah see…well…Ah… jest… mahght…try… the… liver and onio – hmmmm, ooh, what’s this Fruit Bats Delight Special ma’am y’all?”

So, of course she tells him that that’s “our famous No-hit, No Runs Burger” house special – a quarter pound select all beef patty topped with 3 strips of bacon and melted string cheese, sauerkraut, and ketchup, sandwiched between 2 griddle cakes, and it comes with a side of baked beans and a half-price pitcher of beer; it’s our second most popular menu item. “Hmmm” he goes again, “maybe Ah’ll try that y’all ma’am, but with a glass of  mi” – and he stops again, gets up and looks around and says; “Y’all know whut Lorena? Ah thayank Ah lahks the first table Ah wuz at after all” – and he moves back to that table over there by the window where he was in the first place, and poor Laura Sue is now wondering if A. she should actually really put the water down on that table or not, or what? – And B. should she maybe change her name to Lorena?

That’s when I stepped in for poor Laura Sue. Anyway, after he ate breakfast, and it took him a full 47 minutes to finally decide on scrambled eggs, buttered white toast, and coffee, though he changed his mind quite a few times deciding on that – first he said scrambled soft, then he said no, make that sunny side up – with tomatoes on the side, and then he went back to scrambled regular – but with grilled onions on the side and rye toast, and then he changed back to sunny side up – but no tomatoes, and whole wheat toast dry, and then he said “Y’all know whut ma’am? Scratch the eggs altogether, Ah’ve heard tell y’all serve the best biscuit ‘n cheesy gritlins hereabouts ma’am y’all.” I guess he meant cheese grits, but then he said “Nope – I’ll have the scrambled toast, and coffee after all, y’all. Ma’am”

Because I kept crossing things out the order looked all messed up, and when I handed it in to Phil he just kept squinting at it trying to read it, and I had to explain the order to him while looking at Mr Romney just hoping he wouldn’t change his mind again. Actually, he did raise his hand but I just made out like I didn’t see it – I’m in Community Theater.

So after breakfast Mr. Romney changed his mind, surprise – and decided he wouldn’t have a town hall meeting after all. But he did ask why the grilled cheese sandwich was called “Sweet Cheeses”, and after I told him the story about WTF seeing the baby Jesus and all, he told us that he asked because when he was in college he was the grilled cheese cooking expert in his dorm, and that his fellow students got to calling him Oven Mitt. The article continues; Darla said she asked the Fox TV guy if he was getting all this, and he said – getting all what? Governor Romney sat down, ordered a steak and a salad, ate it, paid, shook everybody’s hand, and left. I said, but he didn’t do any of that, and also, he’s still here. And you know what the guy said? He said “yeah, but our Fox viewers don’t want to see that, we’ll shoot it our way later.

After they all left Darla added; “I think maybe the Governor’s dorm buddies should have called him Mitt out-a-clue.

 

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

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About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

34 thoughts on “Mitt Romney: I’ll Have the Cheesey Gri- er or: The Art of the Flip- Flop. Or; if I Said That, This is What I Really Meant…For Now. Unless I Change My Mind. I Think. Maybe.

  1. Good to read this post on a shitty Friday night weather wise. Moving coming along slowly, but decided to take a break today. As for Oven Mitt Romney, Massachusetts loss is a good thing, but California’s not so good… go on

    Like

    Posted by Don in Massachusetts | March 16, 2012, 10:42 pm
  2. Oh my gouda, you are so bad. And so funny.

    Like

    Posted by Averil Dean | March 15, 2012, 3:40 pm
  3. In the next episode of Meal Time Mitt, Mitt goes to the buffet.
    And his head explodes.

    As always, you sum it up perfectly, Tony!
    Think the intrepid Movement reporters could get a pic of the Fox Restaurant-in-a-Truck set?

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | March 15, 2012, 3:35 am
  4. Well, suh, ya’ll’ve outduhn yoself heyah.

    Like

    Posted by Seasweetie | March 14, 2012, 9:54 pm
  5. Oh, sir. You’ve got it going on with this one! I’ve been reading you in my email, but have been to time crunched to comment.

    They’re all very funny and so satirically perfect, but this one is especially good.

    Like

    Posted by lisahgoldenl | March 14, 2012, 5:37 pm
  6. Y’all know, Tony, that there piece has jus’ got ta be one o’ the best I do balieve I done read fer masef in quite sumtam. Thankee fer tha beally laaugh.

    Like

    Posted by Rose | March 14, 2012, 5:19 pm
  7. hello, mr. tony,

    this is a blast… you nailed it and with a swell alabama twang, haha. ^^ (btw, when i subscribed to your site, i thought you were somebody from alabama or mississippi, ranting his way about. well, it’s been more than the rants, am enjoying the ride).

    has Darla recovered from that fateful morning? just asking… ^^ keep on, barkinginthedark! cheers! 🙂

    Like

    Posted by 35andupcynicismonhold | March 14, 2012, 2:49 pm
  8. Yark! If it wasn’t for the eggs we could call hm Elwood Romney.
    THE String Cheese Incident, indeed.
    Mmmmmm baby jesus sammich.
    Love them crunchy baby skulls

    Like

    Posted by Rachael Black | March 14, 2012, 6:53 am
  9. That was fun, Tony. I cracked up when Darla said she was in “Community Theater.” (I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything at the time!)

    She has way more sense about what makes better television. But then she doesn’t seem to share the Fox News political agenda.

    Like

    Posted by Sparks In Shadow | March 14, 2012, 5:44 am
    • thanks Re, i’m glad it gave you a giggle…yes, i think she couldn’t help but see what a phony he is, but, southern lady she is, was still polite to him – while he was there. anyway, i appreciate the read, and the comment. continue…

      Like

      Posted by barkinginthedark | March 14, 2012, 8:48 am
  10. A post that made me laugh. And hungry.

    Like

    Posted by Sam Flowers | March 14, 2012, 3:12 am
  11. Don’t believe Darla about the “no runs” sandwich. Thoroughly vile.
    *giggles*
    Red.

    Like

    Posted by Red | March 14, 2012, 1:08 am
  12. Well, Tony… once again. You’ve outdone yourself. This is great! No, wait… this is fantastic! No, wait… this is phenomenal! No, wait… this is super-cali-fragalistic-expi-ali-docious!!!!

    Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim charoo…

    Sorry, brain went on the fritz for a moment. Very well done, Tony! I absolutely love it!

    Like

    Posted by She speaks.... | March 14, 2012, 1:08 am
  13. Oh sweet baby cheesus!! I was reading this in my head with the accents and everything! Hilarious!

    Like

    Posted by Frugalistablog | March 14, 2012, 12:37 am
  14. Well done. Indeed.

    Like

    Posted by jotsfromasmallapt | March 14, 2012, 12:05 am

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