//
you're reading...
Cautionary tale, commentary, Humor, NEWS, politics, Presidential Politics, satire, writing

Fuck Planned Parenthood! Fuck Breast Exams! Republican Raid on Seven Sisters Schools Jails Ten Thousand Women…More to Come.

Supporters of Planned Parenthood

Image via Wikipedia

Led by Republican Senator The Right Reverend Billy Willy Joe Bob Goober of Mississippi, a crack team of ex-Blackwater assault troops called Kochs Kommandos pulled off a coordinated surprise pre-dawn raid on the five of the seven sisters, a group of liberal arts women’s colleges in the Northeast, the two exceptions to the raid being Radcliffe and Vassar which are now co-ed. “We wanted tuh surprise dese heah babes in dey-uh beds” said Goober, “an’ it appee-uhs we wuz successful.”

The women totaling some ten thousand plus including faculty, and ranging in age from eighteen to sixty-five were rounded up, dragged off in various stages of undress and night dress, herded into various jails, and booked in the early morning hours on charges of “indecent exposure, overt and extreme feminism, and wanting to “control their own bodies.” The woman pictured here on the right with the pro- Planned Parenthood sign was arrested two hours earlier.

When their lawyers demanded an explanation of the charges Goober replied, “Eggs-pluh-nay-shun? We don’ need no day-um eggs-pluh-nay-shun – jes’ look at ‘em – deys not even dressed prop-uh lak.” President Cruz who ran on the Donald Trump slogan – and all-time best selling bumper sticker – “He Won’t Let Bad Things Happen”, determined that he couldn’t see anything “bad’ in the raids and instructed his Attorney General Rick Santorum to “stay out of it.”

President Cruz also added, “According to Attorney General Santorum, there’s nothing in the Constitution that says anything about women having the right to control their own bodies, or having the right to legal counsel.” President Cruz further said, “I believe this is a States rights issue and I believe that Attorney General Santorum is correct in remanding this case to Mississippi because technically it comes under The Right Reverend Senator Goober’s jurisdiction. As such I have no other recourse than to instruct AG Santorum to load these law-breakers onto a train and get them down there asap. Of course, they do have the right to a speedy trial…and of course they’ll either have to represent themselves, or they can use a court appointed lawyer, who, I am sure will be competent.”

Senator Goober himself added,“‘N if’n dey wants, Ah’ll be glay-ud to have me an’ mah boys give ‘em dese day-um titty ex-ay-ums deys so all-fahred up about gittin – as if it mattuhs – ‘cept to give some of dem dey-er elitist doctuhs dey-uh jollies.”

 

 

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012, revised 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Advertisements

About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

28 thoughts on “Fuck Planned Parenthood! Fuck Breast Exams! Republican Raid on Seven Sisters Schools Jails Ten Thousand Women…More to Come.

  1. She’s got a bag. You never know what she might be carrying.

    Like

    Posted by lorrelee1970 | February 12, 2012, 3:34 pm
  2. Great post Tony. As always. Had to plus one AND tweet this. Thank god for the sanity and satire you place in my inbox. You are one of very few bloggers I actually look forward to reading; I never walk away without learning something new. Even if it’s a new amusing facial expression.
    A lesson more people (actually an entire party of them) should avail themselves of.
    And… a belated Happy Birthday my friend! Be well.

    Like

    Posted by Rachael Black | February 4, 2012, 3:45 am
  3. Unreal. This world scares the crap out of me sometimes. Okay, most times…

    Like

    Posted by SusanWritesPrecise | February 4, 2012, 12:58 am
  4. I started my registration for the 3-Day walk in Chicago yesterday morning in honor my aunt, got home saw the news… not happening now.

    Like

    Posted by On My Square | February 3, 2012, 8:03 pm
  5. Vice President Bachmann had no comment, as she was being submissive at the time.

    In a related story, Bachmann ball gag sales have gone up 479%.

    Jackasses all. I fear for our national sanity, but the laughs help me get through, Tony. Thanks,

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | February 3, 2012, 5:37 pm
  6. You have such a gift for satire. I tried to explain to my 13 year old daughter the blow up with the Komen Foundation and she got stuck on the idea that people worry about women who aren’t related to them in any way having abortions and access to contraception. It seemed like nonsense to her. “Why should they care?”

    Where I grew up in small town America, the most vocal anti-choice families were the same people who took their teenage daughters to the local physician for quiet, private procedures they called D&Cs. I’m sure their cash bought both his silence and plenty of missing medical records.

    Like

    Posted by lisahgolden | February 3, 2012, 2:39 pm
  7. Senator Goober….Which one?

    Like

    Posted by MJ, Nonstepmom | February 3, 2012, 2:26 pm
  8. You know the chick with the Planned Parenthood sign has to be dangerous. She can spell Parenthood.
    Red.

    Like

    Posted by Red | February 3, 2012, 11:04 am
  9. So well written, this actually frightens me.

    Like

    Posted by She speaks.... | February 3, 2012, 6:37 am
  10. Yes, it’s appalling that they’re trying to escalate the war on women being healthy. What’s cool is how you made it so damn funny while making the point.

    Like

    Posted by Sparks In Shadow | February 3, 2012, 6:12 am
  11. Appalling.

    Like

    Posted by Frugalistablog | February 3, 2012, 5:22 am

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Pingback: Sally Fields for a Day « Memoirs of an Evil Stepmom - February 3, 2012

Thank you for reading, I appreciate your time. Kindly Leave a Comment...I Place a High Value on All the Comments of My Readers. Thank you.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: