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commentary, Humor, poem of a sort

The Ballad of Rick Santorum’s or: Sex in the Time of Santorum

In light of Rick Santorum’s views on the Parkland Protesters here are his views on that most sacrilegious of human acts…sex.

Santorum once had some momentum

, U.S. Senator from Pennsylvania.

Image via Wikipedia

His base thought that God must’ve sent ‘im

Tho’ no birth control

Means more dopes in the fold

Who couldn’t buy IQ’s or rent ‘em

 

This man with a plan for your bedroom

In a straight-fucking-no-giving-head room

There’s no going down

Just lift your nightgown

In your lay-there-as-if-you-are-dead room

 

Thou shalt not use finger or toe

Or go where the Greeks boldly go

Make a hole in the sheet

Stick your dick in tout suite

Sayeth Rick 3:18 Book of “No!”

 

Sayeth Ricky we don’t fuck for fun

We fucketh to maketh a bun

There’s no tricky stuff

Ye shall never touch muff

Just mount, come, dismount, wipeth, done

1900:  Bathing suit, about 1900.

Condoms will only promote

Some crazy-shit sex here’s his quote

Re gays: “Man on dog,

Man on child” – pass the grog

And get a load of the ass on that goat

 

The hypocrites on Ricky’s team

All wallow in his sex slipstream

No jerking or sucking

And no fancy fucking

‘Tween boobs, or with lubes, or cool whip cream

Sex Ed cartoons, Sex Ed cartoon, funny, Sex Ed picture, Sex Ed pictures, Sex Ed image, Sex Ed images, Sex Ed illustration, Sex Ed illustrations

So if we then all do like Ricky

There’ll be none of that stuff that is icky

Like them porn stars do

It’s just me on you

But I’ll sure miss that dildo doohickey

 

 

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.

Discussion

30 thoughts on “The Ballad of Rick Santorum’s or: Sex in the Time of Santorum

  1. This was hilarious Tony. Your stanza:

    Thou shalt not use finger or toe
    ‘Or go where the Greeks boldly go
    Make a hole in the sheet
    Stick your dick in tout de suite
    Sayeth Rick 3:18 Book of No’

    May need a caveat: No applicable to Republican politicians in bathroom stalls.
    Oh, and the dildo line was priceless!
    As always, you are an inspiration and finest humorist in Blogworld.
    xo

    Like

    Posted by Rachael Black | March 11, 2012, 9:17 pm
  2. I think it would be great to have Rick in office. This country needs its first homosexual president. Even if he doesn’t want to admit it yet.

    Like

    Posted by Frugalistablog | March 11, 2012, 4:36 pm
  3. No whipped cream?
    HE GOES TO FAR!!!

    Actually, he went to far years ago. Can’t wait for the tails of his ex (boy)girlfriends to come out.

    Like

    Posted by El Guapo | March 11, 2012, 4:45 am
  4. OMG, Tony, NOTHING beats your ballads on the net. I love’em. I’m getting a political education thanks to you!

    No, I don’t enjoy sex either because it’s WRONG and NAUGHTY and BAD and if I even think of it, with a straying hand, why I ought be PUNISHED.

    ooooh, I’ve gone ‘n worked myself up. Pass the whipped cream, Tony…

    Like

    Posted by WordsFallFromMyEyes | March 11, 2012, 2:14 am
  5. Is it possible he was a Dominican Friar in a prior life…during the Inquisition? Just wondering.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by anotherboomerblog | March 10, 2012, 11:06 pm
  6. So funny I had to stop relying on Davo to forward them to me…subscribed!

    Like

    Posted by Janna | March 10, 2012, 9:20 pm
  7. As I was reading this, I got a text saying that Santorum won the Kansas cocks, I mean caucuses. Bad me… Great post Tony. go on…

    Like

    Posted by Don in Massachusetts | March 10, 2012, 8:33 pm
  8. The Rick Santorum piece is fantastic because while one would like to think it’s a spoof, it is in fact, totally accurate. So we better all watch out or there will be no hanky panky in the land. Thanks Tony for a good laugh and a good cry because what if?

    Like

    Posted by Linda Kraus | March 10, 2012, 7:41 pm
  9. Haha.. Poor Rick..even monks have more fun with sex than him..
    (or he could be da freaka zoid behind closed doors)

    this was fun!

    Like

    Posted by free penny press | March 10, 2012, 11:21 am
  10. a tour de force

    Like

    Posted by davo | March 10, 2012, 6:13 am
  11. OMG! Too funny!!! By jove, you have done it again, my friend. Oh, and I think “dildo doohickey” would be an excellent nickname for ol’ Ricky here.

    Like

    Posted by She speaks.... | March 10, 2012, 2:42 am
  12. I’m laughing my head off, Tony! Thanks. You skewer these idiots so well.

    Like

    Posted by Sparks In Shadow | March 9, 2012, 11:32 pm
  13. I’m wearing my nun habit today
    But wanted to just stop by and say
    You’ve got the nerve and the verve
    To say exactly what I wanted to say.

    Like

    Posted by jotsfromasmallapt | March 9, 2012, 11:18 pm

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