In light of Rick Santorum’s views on the Parkland Protesters here are his views on that most sacrilegious of human acts…sex.
Santorum once had some momentum
Image via Wikipedia
His base thought that God must’ve sent ‘im
Tho’ no birth control
Means more dopes in the fold
Who couldn’t buy IQ’s or rent ‘em
This man with a plan for your bedroom
In a straight-fucking-no-giving-head room
There’s no going down
Just lift your nightgown
In your lay-there-as-if-you-are-dead room
Thou shalt not use finger or toe
Or go where the Greeks boldly go
Make a hole in the sheet
Stick your dick in tout suite
Sayeth Rick 3:18 Book of “No!”
Sayeth Ricky we don’t fuck for fun
We fucketh to maketh a bun
There’s no tricky stuff
Ye shall never touch muff
Just mount, come, dismount, wipeth, done
Condoms will only promote
Some crazy-shit sex here’s his quote
Re gays: “Man on dog,
Man on child” – pass the grog
And get a load of the ass on that goat
The hypocrites on Ricky’s team
All wallow in his sex slipstream
No jerking or sucking
And no fancy fucking
‘Tween boobs, or with lubes, or cool whip cream
So if we then all do like Ricky
There’ll be none of that stuff that is icky
Like them porn stars do
It’s just me on you
But I’ll sure miss that dildo doohickey
© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Barking In The Dark 
This was hilarious Tony. Your stanza:
Thou shalt not use finger or toe
‘Or go where the Greeks boldly go
Make a hole in the sheet
Stick your dick in tout de suite
Sayeth Rick 3:18 Book of No’
May need a caveat: No applicable to Republican politicians in bathroom stalls.
Oh, and the dildo line was priceless!
As always, you are an inspiration and finest humorist in Blogworld.
xo
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Posted by Rachael Black | March 11, 2012, 9:17 pmthanks so much for the VERY kind props Rachael, i really appreciate them. all of them, knowing they come from your heart and “all” your parts. xo continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 12, 2012, 12:27 amI think it would be great to have Rick in office. This country needs its first homosexual president. Even if he doesn’t want to admit it yet.
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Posted by Frugalistablog | March 11, 2012, 4:36 pmoooh, he’s sucking you in F.,…i’d rather see mmm…Rosie O’Donnell, gay, progressive, a woman with more balls than most men. anyway, i sure do hope Ricky gets outed soon, hey – let’s start a rumor huh? thanks for the snarky/wonderful comment. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 12, 2012, 12:33 amSnarky is my middle name. You’re welcome.
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Posted by Frugalistablog | March 12, 2012, 3:43 amNo whipped cream?
HE GOES TO FAR!!!
Actually, he went to far years ago. Can’t wait for the tails of his ex (boy)girlfriends to come out.
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Posted by El Guapo | March 11, 2012, 4:45 amand the tales also. thanks EG…i dunno what i’m gonna do with all this wipped cream either. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 11, 2012, 5:37 amNo kidding. Not to mention the time I saw him at the liqour store purchasing a few cans of the new alcohol-fuelled flavored whip cream.
He had some teenage boy with him…
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Posted by Rachael Black | March 11, 2012, 9:20 pmOMG, Tony, NOTHING beats your ballads on the net. I love’em. I’m getting a political education thanks to you!
No, I don’t enjoy sex either because it’s WRONG and NAUGHTY and BAD and if I even think of it, with a straying hand, why I ought be PUNISHED.
ooooh, I’ve gone ‘n worked myself up. Pass the whipped cream, Tony…
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Posted by WordsFallFromMyEyes | March 11, 2012, 3:14 amCome and get it babe. i got the reddi-whipp ready…and the whip too. 🙂 thanks for the props and the witty comment Noeleen. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 11, 2012, 3:42 amI MUST get out to NYC soon. You’re a man after my own heart. And other parts of the anatomy XD
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Posted by Rachael Black | March 11, 2012, 9:22 pmIs it possible he was a Dominican Friar in a prior life…during the Inquisition? Just wondering.
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Posted by anotherboomerblog | March 10, 2012, 11:06 pmi’m inclined to think he was Torquemada. thanks for the comment Boomer. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 11, 2012, 12:20 amSo funny I had to stop relying on Davo to forward them to me…subscribed!
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Posted by Janna | March 10, 2012, 9:20 pmThanks Janna, i appreciate it a lot. i shall endeavor in my efforts to amuse and inform…and make an total idiot of myself. xo continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 10, 2012, 10:58 pmAs I was reading this, I got a text saying that Santorum won the Kansas cocks, I mean caucuses. Bad me… Great post Tony. go on…
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Posted by Don in Massachusetts | March 10, 2012, 8:33 pmThanks Don, i appreciate it…and the Fruedian slip. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 10, 2012, 11:02 pmThe Rick Santorum piece is fantastic because while one would like to think it’s a spoof, it is in fact, totally accurate. So we better all watch out or there will be no hanky panky in the land. Thanks Tony for a good laugh and a good cry because what if?
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Posted by Linda Kraus | March 10, 2012, 7:41 pmThanks sweetheart, i love when my “actual” in-the-flesh friends read my stuff and say nice things xoxox continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 10, 2012, 11:04 pmHaha.. Poor Rick..even monks have more fun with sex than him..
(or he could be da freaka zoid behind closed doors)
this was fun!
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Posted by free penny press | March 10, 2012, 11:21 amthanks FP, he’s freaky behind the doors no doubt – willie in hand… and videoing with the other. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 10, 2012, 11:08 pma tour de force
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Posted by davo | March 10, 2012, 6:13 amthanks Davo, i REALLY appreciate it coming from you. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 10, 2012, 7:14 amOMG! Too funny!!! By jove, you have done it again, my friend. Oh, and I think “dildo doohickey” would be an excellent nickname for ol’ Ricky here.
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Posted by She speaks.... | March 10, 2012, 2:42 amthanks so much Michelle, i’m glad you liked it…i had fun writing it. a lot. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 10, 2012, 7:16 amI’ll bet! Great job!
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Posted by She speaks.... | March 10, 2012, 7:21 amI’m laughing my head off, Tony! Thanks. You skewer these idiots so well.
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Posted by Sparks In Shadow | March 9, 2012, 11:32 pmalways glad to give a lady a giggle. Thanks so much Re, gratifying – especially from a wordsmith like you. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 9, 2012, 11:43 pmI’m wearing my nun habit today
But wanted to just stop by and say
You’ve got the nerve and the verve
To say exactly what I wanted to say.
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Posted by jotsfromasmallapt | March 9, 2012, 11:18 pmthanks Jots, i love your poem ( and your attire) …it’s so much fun to skewer this bug. continue…
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Posted by barkinginthedark | March 9, 2012, 11:45 pm