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The Ballad of the 3 Stooges plus One or: Let’s Hear it For The GOP Candidates – These are Their Best and Brightest

Roth (far left) looks on as Shemp Howard gets ...

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Four Republican knobs

Who don’t address jobs

Hey – as wedge it has little importance

Compared to glory hallelujah

Sticking probes up your hoohah

Religion, gay rights and abortions


Absent of plan

Slick to a man

(Okay – except for Ron Paul)

They keep accusing Obama

Of their imaginary drama

Shit don’t even play in Sioux Falls


Gingrich has lied

Prez wants “infanticide”

And don’t forget that he still “wasn’t born here”

And he’s a Muslim

What drugs are they guzzlin’?

They have plenty of sheep to be shorn here


In our recent history

It’s really a mystery

That we could ever elect GOP men

They push less tax on wealth plans,

Wars, killIing health plans,

And religion – and the myth that they’re he-men


Of course Rick “knows” Satan

As he’s masturbatin’

He knows that the devil made him do it

Him and his horns

Makin’ Rick watch them porns

But he’ll say some Hail Mary’s and screw it


And then there is Gingrich

A man who’s ka-ching rich

From lobbying on Freddy Mac’s side

He’s got Callista

And a helluva blista

Where his wallet keeps chafing his backside


Mitt, where to begin

A shit-eating grin

Some things you say seem out-of-body

Daddy made our worst car

But you’re his worst “make” by far

You keep falling apart you’re so shoddy


Which brings us to Ron

The Libertarian’s Don

The man only Ayn Rand would fuck

If you’re flooded out dude

Or rat hair fills your food

If Paul’s Prez you’re just shit outta luck


These are suits that are empty

Moe, Larry, and Shemp-y

Three stooges in search of a script

And a fourth also-ran

Thirteenth-Century man

And not a one of these nuts has a grip


© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

About barkinginthedark

Tony Powers is a writer/actor/musician. His full bio may be seen by clicking on the picture, and then clicking on either of the 2 boxes below it.


30 thoughts on “The Ballad of the 3 Stooges plus One or: Let’s Hear it For The GOP Candidates – These are Their Best and Brightest

  1. Are you syndicated? You have to be syndicated. You need your own show. I’ll work the boom. Or the grip. You are on fire, my friend.


    Posted by Lilabell | March 19, 2012, 2:33 pm
  2. Absolutely perfect.
    and completely true!


    Posted by random8042 | March 13, 2012, 8:32 pm
  3. Alas Tony, while you are dead on and downright hilarious (thanks for that by the way – the laughing helps mitigate the pain and outrage), I fear you may have irretrievably lost the powerful stooge fan bloc.

    I can only hope you will find some way to bring them back into the fold…
    And no shout out to Curly? What’s up with that?


    Posted by El Guapo | March 13, 2012, 2:54 pm
    • Yeah, EG…i feared as such. and tho’ i bow to no man in my respect for Curly, he just didn’t fit into the rhyme…believe me i gave it some thought too. i am also fairly sure that the “powerful stooge fan block” will be voting GOP. you’re always good for a witty comment EG, and i thank you for it. continue…


      Posted by barkinginthedark | March 13, 2012, 6:09 pm
  4. Love the Ayn Rand reference – I remember reading Atlas Shrugged in Jr High and starting to question “reality”….not nearly to the level the GOP calls into question “reality” !


    Posted by MJ, Nonstepmom | March 13, 2012, 1:03 am
  5. Its six of one, and a half a dozen of the the other. There doesn’t seem to be any end in sight, for the four stooges, to get a grip on reality.


    Posted by Don in Massachusetts | March 12, 2012, 11:06 pm
  6. Don’t want to be a “Tom” (up there guy).. so I’ll just say Witty as hell..
    you nailed it!!!


    Posted by free penny press | March 12, 2012, 10:14 pm
  7. The race to debase is on. We are on the cusp of a global currency crisis which would turn the world upside down and it is the root of all the pisses you off but you don’t hit it when you write about oil speculators (that is a result of a problem not a cause). When you talk about the GOP or the rich, you dance around this topic. The current monetary system is the root of all evil in the world and although the Bushs might not be the most articulate folks, they understand the banking system and play it to their advantage. If we don’t change the banking system we will continue to leave the poor behind – adding more entitlements will strenghten those that control the money and weaken the recipients of those entitlements. Lumping Ron Paul in with the rest of the GOP candidates proves that you are missing our day’s most pressing issue. Obama either understands the system and is a willing participant or he simply trusts what he is told and is ignorant – either way his agenda might seem noble but it will not solve anything. Before gov’t can be the solution, it needs to be overhauled in a revolutionary way. I get that a Ron Paul presidency is a risk. Ron Paul would be a peaceful POSSIBILITY (may or may not work). Obama, Mitt, Newt or Rick will only kick the can down the road and prolong the inevitable. We are not yet there but getting close to a mathematical certainty of collapse or hyperinflation at some point. The 30’s would seem like a picnic if the US collapses. All those depending on gov’t subsidies should be the most concerned. Your government is actively trying to create inflation to deal with their debt problem (See QE, QE2, Operation twist, etc). Inflation is ok for those that own businesses, stocks, commodities (assets in general that are not dollars) and terrible for people that are in fixed incomes (the elderly and the poor). The ultra rich are buying farmland, buying ammunition and getting off the grid. Bill Gates and many like him could survive for years without any essential services and they are currently prepared. Are you? Want to read something that is not generated by a government think tank on this subject? Read the Currency Wars by Jim Rickards. He was hired by the gov’t to conduct war games without the military. We are currently engaged in a currency war and it is being conducted by the Federal Reserve – not congress or the president. The consequences are huge. Santorum’s masturbation habits are the least of my concern.


    Posted by Tom | March 12, 2012, 7:13 pm
  8. So funny. Also terrifying, because if this is what these bozos say in public, can you imagine what they say over cigars and brandy?


    Posted by Averil Dean | March 12, 2012, 5:47 pm
  9. um, this is awesome.


    Posted by sweetmother | March 12, 2012, 5:09 pm
  10. Perfect description of all 4 of the buffoons… I mean Stooges. Once again, your writing is humorously, impeccably true. Love it! 🙂


    Posted by She speaks.... | March 12, 2012, 2:05 pm
  11. No, not one of them nuts has a grip; but I got a grip on them nuts, and they’re slimy, sweets… very slimy. Damn!


    Posted by Rose | March 12, 2012, 9:32 am


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  2. Pingback: Jim Rickards: Dollar Collapse Model - London Ontario Alternative News for Local Business, World News, Sports & Entertainment Plus FREE CLASSIFIEDS - March 28, 2012

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